Honesty : Othor Games

» Sat Dec 03, 2011 2:40 pm

If you are going to tell your SO something that may cause serious emotional trauma, then have the balls to do it in person.
Ask yourself if you are doing it for her sake, or if really, you are doing it for selfish reasons because the guilt is killing you.
Timing is everything.
To lie when asked a question, is to me a wrong thing.
To refrain from mentioning or bringing up in conversation, however, is not.

» Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:13 am

I'm a great liar(:

Lies and slander.

» Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:41 pm

honesty is the best policy

as for telling her - tell her that you want to be honest, and tell her that there are thing you want to tell her that will probably be upsetting (just like you have told us here in the opening post). Let her know that first, and discuss that with her -- before you get into any details about those upsetting things. Maybe it will give her time to mentally prepare herself.

As for communication methods - the only right way for something like that is face-to-face. Letters, texts, email, phone conversation - none of that is going to suffice. It will be very difficult for you to say these things face-to-face, but I think it is the best way, even though it will be painful. Sensitive issues need to be spoken of face-to-face, so that you both can react in real-time, and read nonverbal cues.

By the way, have you watched Going Postal, the new discworld movie? Just a thought... (the main character has a checkered and guilty past that he wishes to confess to someone he learns he has gravely wronged).

My reasoning for wanting to tell her in a letter is that previously when we've had a serious talk about our relationship, she's gotten really upset and incredibly pissed off. Which doesn't solve anything.

I do want to do it face-to-face, but I want her to actually listen and for me to be able to say what I want to say. Perhaps telling her that what I'm going to say will probably upset her might work.

I have not.

» Sat Dec 03, 2011 11:47 am

I prefer to tell the truth, not because I'm honest, but because I wouldn't remember which lies I told.

» Sat Dec 03, 2011 1:34 pm

occupational hazard -past tense.

I'm still cagey with what I let people know about me, but that's more an omittance than lying, like mamagato said.

» Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:35 pm

Honesty is an absolute principle of mine. It's just a part of who I am, thus I am honest in almost any situation. I tell the truth, even if it hurts, and surprisingly it's one of the things people respect about me. I tell them the truth and I don't cover it up in lies. Some people still get upset of course, but they still appreciate that I give them the straight dope.

I'm not afraid to lie however, but only white lies. And other times I simply don't say anything

But I'm not saying you should tell her everything right now. You shouldn't be an open book, keep some things to yourself.

Oh yeah and a final little dating advice:
Remember; actions speak louder than words. Telling her that you want to walk the path isn't as powerful as walking the path. Besides, you could screw it up by telling her those things. Stay calm and in control mate.

» Sat Dec 03, 2011 6:02 pm

after typing up a long, long reply, i think i need to wait on posting it; not at my best right now, feeling a bit off so some of it may just be purely emotional, and some things may be better left unsaid, even if i think they'll contribute or do good. must... tackle... this... with... fresh... mind.

after all this talk about honesty, i think i have some evaluating to do. <_< :whistling: :ahhh: :turned: :glare: