Call it an early Christmas present from the entire group (say they all chipped in even if they didn't)

There is none, better to just accept it. It'll make your redhead lady friend feel better too.

Why dont you just tell her to pay you back later? If you're still feeling nice at the time, or if you want to try to date her, you could use part of that money to take her on a date or something.

You mean, you'll respect her decision if you can't find a way to talk her out of it?

Seriously, man, if the girl doesn't want to come, she doesn't want to. Buying her ticket is condescending, trying to convince her into coming is insulting her intelligence. It seems a bit hard for you to grasp, but that's the way it is. Have some damn respect.

Exactly. Treating a woman like a high-priced call girl isn't the way to win respect.

I disagree sort of. I would say it depends on how long they've known each other. If it's some girl that's more of an acquaintance rather than a long term friend then I would agree with you, but if they've known each other for years then I really don't see an issue and couldn't possibly understand why she would be so backwards about it.

Not to mention thinking you'll just talk her into coming. Way to treat her like a weak-willed sook.


I see what you mean, and offering to do it is nice, but once someone refuses, you should stop. If you keep pushing, you treat the other person as someone needing charity, and you make them feel indebted. Offer it, sure, but respect a 'no' from the first time it is given instead of trying to browbeat the other person.

I get what you mean, and I havn't been asking her repeatedly, I just wanted to find a way for her to have a good time with some of our friends. She's been telling my other friend that she wants to go, and keeps feeling bad that she can't pay for it*, even though we're offering her to pay it.

Thanks for the first part of that post by the way, it did a great job of making me feel like a complete [censored].

It's not my intention to make you feel bad, but if you're pushing her to come, that will be how you make her feel. If you try to convince someone when he or she has clearly said no, that person will feel that you see her as weak-willed, because you, by still trying, demonstrate the conviction that you can still change her mind.

Trust me, if you browbeat her too hard, she'll hate you for it.

Case in point, what if she sees this thread, and the way you posted in it? Think she'd be happy? I guarantee that she wouldn't!

Aye. Saying, "Well, if you change you're mind the offer is still open" is acceptable (as part of the original conversation), but probably still wouldn't be taken up; going back and asking would be worse than simply accepting when offered.

Guilt her into it

Tell her that if she doesn't go and you guys got into some horrible accident and die it will be all her fault because if she went she would have been the one person that would have been able to go get help.

That or do something else that wouldn't cost as much and would still be meaningful for the whole group.

Well either way, suggestions on how to and staetments on how I shouldn't try have been put forward, so thanks either way.

I suppose you're right. I'm only talking from my own personal experience of course. For me and my friends if one of us lends the other money its a firm handshake, a thanks, and then onto other things. For us it's more or less rude to deny help from others in our social circle. But I can definitely see how others would be uncomfortable with it and how it may make them feel.

I get that, and it's often different depending on culture, but still, when someone's said 'no', that should be the end of it.


:shrug: You asked what we thought, and we said it.

Still thanked you, but thanks again either way.

There is nothing in the rules that says we have to give helpful advice, or advice at all. In fact I'm pretty sure the moderators encourage giving horrible and possibly dangerous advice[citation needed]

Closed on request of the OP.