Right, so today my boyfriend decided to pay me a visit, which is awesome, since I obviously love his company.

So the day is going fine and dandy, and then we lay in my room for a while all silent like, when he tells me he's going to break up with me.

Now this took me completely by surprise, because up until now I thought our relationship was going swimmingly. According to him, he's worried he'll hurt me farther down the line because of how his ex treated him, and he doesn't want that to happen to me. I'm an advlt, I can deal with it. Yet he thinks otherwise.

Anyway, I finally convinced him to stay with me for now, and to mull it over a bit more. The problem is I've no idea what to say concerning it now, nor any idea how to convince him staying with me wouldn't be a bad thing...

Any advice?...

Tell him that if he stays with you while things are going well, there's no guarantee he'll hurt you. But if he leaves you now, he definitely will.

Bazzinga.

It sounds like a bad excuse to me, and he just doesn't feel the same anymore.

That's my concern as well...

Don't judge him yet. I pretty much now how he must feel - and I sincerely believe it has nothing to do with you. Sometimes, past bad experiences can cause a lot of damage, and you can find yourself in a position of caring about a person so much that you don't think it's fair to let them be hurt because of something they have nothing to do at all to begin with.

The best course is to talk with him about the matter, and try to figure out how to help him overcome it. Make it clear that you're willing to help and stay with him. Of course, you should also think about the other possibility - he can, in fact, be just looking for a excuse.

Edited for posterity.

@evil- How did you avoid the autocensor, oh I see. nvm >_>

@Morrowind- IDK, like Silver said, it honestly sounds like a poorly constructed excuse to try and leave you because he doesn't feel the same anymore. On the flipside, if he DOES just worry he'll hurt you, it's not hard to avoid being a dike if it's not a compulsive attitude.

If he leaves just fillet him and serve him at a white tie formal ball like the White Glove Society :teehee:

To me it sounds like a lame excuse, and he just doesn't like you anymore.



Good lick luck though.

you should take the words you used in the OP but ask your boy friend.
regardless of what ever issue your boyfriend has with your relationship, the most obvious issue is communication.
also, disregard any advice you see on the internet. if you don't know what is going on with an intimate relationship with your partner you know far better than any one here, you won't find the answer from any one here on these forums.

I'm just looking for different opinions, as always I take things said with a grain of salt, but it helps me meditate.

My Opinion

Tell the bumm to scram, youll fight somebody like me who would treasure you.

Relationships are a two way street. It could just be a polite way of saying "I'm no longer interested." Being all clingy and desperate at this stage won't really help. My advice, wait it out, and if he mentions it again, just break it off. And like Johnny said, wait for someone who appreciates you more.

Go all MTV on him and have an intervention with his ex. This will probably make things worse.

I'm pretty sure you thought the OP was a female (he's not). :laugh:

As for MF, you'll just have to tie him up and force him to stay with you - FOREVER.

Having to convine someone to stay with you doesnt bode well, they should be counting the hours you spend apart till they can see you again.

Reminds me of

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttuA1UEUAI0

I'd call if off and give him what he wants, he may not want it so bad then

Yeah, it doesn't sound great to me either. It can cause quite a strain on a relationship if one person feels they're essentially at the mercy of the other.


I guess it could go either way, but at least it'll clarify things: either a reality check that shows he needs to value the important things in life, or for him to demonstrate that he's not actually committed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-Q7b-vHY3Q

And as for the actual thread, I'd say just let him go.

Basically this. As much as you might not want to, if he's making an excuse of 'I'm afraid of hurting you like my ex hurt me', it sounds like it's just a scapegoat for 'I just don't feel the same way anymore.'

I think it's better it ends now and hurts a lot than later and hurting alot worse.

Sounds like a cop-out excuse to me. Thats something someone says when they just don't wanna be with someone anymore. Its on the same equivalent of saying "its not you, its me".

Convincing people to stay with you rarely works out well.

It does work swimmingly if you tie them up, lock them in the basemant and shower them with as much love and affection as you can with the threat that if they ever escape you'll sacrifice their soul to the abyss. :tongue:

Not that I'd know or anything

< _ <
>_ >

You need to figure out what's going on. This, "not wanting to hurt you" could simply be caused by, say, irrational feelings of inadequacy. It could also be caused by a previous mutually abusive relationship leaving him with a constant urge to physically assault you every time you make a minor mistake, or it could be that a previous relationship has left him in such a state that he can't handle the idea of love and feels the need to suppress the feeling with heavy alcohol consumption, or something equally terrible. Sure, you're an advlt, and can handle yourself, but there are still such things as serious problems he might have a right (/ duty) to try and protect you from.

Find out what's going on. It's probably something minor, and he's just being a jerk, but it could be something major.

Bwahahaha!

http://www.majhost.com/gallery/RetroCorn/me/beach.jpg

Anyway, the only reason I don't think he's using it as an excuse is because he legitimately worries a lot. His ex was a complete jerk, but (the way he explained it to me) the reason he's afraid of hurting me is because he's used to more... Physical, open relationships, and he's worried he'll mess around and hurt me. Our relationship has been pretty open, since we're dating, not married. So... I dunno, it's odd that he brings it up now.