This isn't mine, someone said it in another thread, but... What do you call a settlement in Skyrim with more than 3 buildings? A city.

Q. why do most altmer and thalmor act so intelligent, high and mighty?

A. They are born with a 10 Foot Dwemer Pole stuck up their arses.

How come no internet comedians tell us any jokes here ?

My argonian friend bought a new mount. A kahjiit !

All of these are [censored] [censored].

Jokes by Nords:

What do you call a good elf?
Dwemer, cause they're gone.

What's the difference between a Dwemer and a Dunmer?
The Dwemer learned their place

How do you great an elf?
High five him, in the face, with an axe

How do you call one elf in a forest?
One elf, in the woods
What do you call two elves in a forest?
Two elves in the woods
What do you call a 100 elves in a forest?
Nothing, you set the forest on fire

How do you make a High elf as small as a wood elf?
Cut of their legs

Why don't Nords fight in Valenwood?
Because there wouldn't be enough Bosmer left to eat their own dead.

High elf joke: How many wood elf you need to replace a lightbulb ?
101. 1 holds the bulb and the 100 rotates the house.

By the way the nord jokes were funny above

Two Thalmor justicars were heading to to town.One had a horse and offered the other a ride.

When they arrived they noticed all the horses in stable looked exactly like thiers.

"How will we know which is ours?" asked the first

"Easy we shall lift the tails on each horse." replied the second

"How in Oblivion will that help"

"Didn't you hear the stable master say look at the two a** holes on that horse when we came in."

LOOOOL, thanks for laughs

Haha good one

I'd say Dunmer joining Stormclock for roleplay reasons.

Hugh Jonsson ,a Nord of little reknown,was passing a meadery when spotted a sign that read "Make my horse laugh win 100 gold"

Hugh entered and asked the barkeep about it.

"Many have tried to make him laugh why even a real live jester came through not long ago and nothing.If you feel up to it head out back."

Hugh nodded and indeed headed out back.
Soon the sounds of uproarious laughter came from the stables.
Hugh returned collected the coin ,nodded and returned to his travels.

A month later Hugh passed the meadery again but this time the sign read "Make my horse cry win 100 gold"

Hugh entered and asked the barkeep about it.

"Welcome back,Since your last visit my horse has been in such a good mood nothing can bring him down.If you wanna try head out back."

Hugh nodded and indeed headed out back.
Soon the sounds of racking sobs came from the stables.
This time when Hugh entered the Barkeep said.
"Mister I am going to pay you, but you have to tell me how you did it"

"Fair enough"replied Hugh
"The first time I told your Horse my thing was bigger than his"
"I see, but how did you make him cry?"asked the barkeep
"This time I showed him"

Now you know why gaming companies don't like to put dates on things like releases, updates, patches, etc.

Khajiit: "Which part from Elsweyr are you from?"

Meow: "I came from elsewhere"

This one was in Oblivion, but is funny:

-Why do khaijiit lick their butts?
-To get the taste of Khajiit cooking out of their mouths!

Q. whats the difference between a Thalmor and the Septim dynasty?

A. The septim dynasty has a divine transcendent

Two male mammoths ,one young the other old,were standing on a hill outside of Whiterun when a herd of female mammoths came into view.

"Let's run down and{bleep} one of em" said the young one
The old one just shook his head and replied

"Let's WALK down and {bleep} em all."

Aldos Othran goes to the Skyrim Bards' College, but they had nothing more they could teach him.

Two f@nboys and a gamer are at a bar.
FB 1 says to the gamer "Iike you could make a better game so you have no leg to stand on"
FB 2 says to the gamer "wait and the modders will fix it"
Gamer looks puzzled for a second then the bartender says "What they are really saying is even if you can't fix it wait a month and a guy who normally asks people if they want fries with that will do better then Beth"

Q: Why should you never laugh at a khajiit on a horse?
A: It might be your's.

I could taint this whole post with "Arrow to the Knee" Jokes, but....

An Imperial goes to the doctor. He shows his leg to the doctor. The doctor is shocked to see a live skeever growing from the Imperial's foot.
"By Azurah", cried the doctor, "how did that happen?"
Says the Skeever: "Well, doctor, it started with a small pink dot on the top of my head."

After a raid by imperial forces into Valenwood a Justicar was kneeling over the body of his friend of over a hundred years who was slain hours ago.
Looking up he spied a troop of Bosmer archers headed his way.Grateful that he would have some assistance returning his dear friends body back to camp he waved them over.

The leader of the Bosmer patrol looked over the fallen Thalmor then looked to the Justicar and asked
"So are you going to eat that or just stare at it?"

Q. What do you get after laying siege to a city in Valenwood?

A.One very fat Bosmer

Q: What do you call a Khajiit on a horse?
A: A horse thief.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!