No really, she does.

And surprisingly to some, she doesn't want bothered. She just wants to have a drink in peace.

I am looking for opinions as to what people think when they see a girl alone in a bar. I have asked my guy buddies this and thought that I'd see what the gentlemen around here think.

I have travelled to other countries myself, but can't seem to muster up the courage to get a beer around the corner. The only time I've done it is when travelling. I was in Dublin and wasn't going to sit in the hotel just because I didn't know anyone, so I went and grabbed a pint. But that is really the only exception.

Basically, I assume that most guys who would see me would think I am there to get "picked up", when really I just want to relax after a day of work, outside the walls of my tiny apartment. Much the same as the guys I suspect.

Anyway, just looking for some insight. Obviously, this could easily become sixist. Try not to let it.

Depends what you look like.

I know I never think about picking up women when I'm out clubbing or at a bar. What most guys will think... Just make sure you look ugly when you go out, I guess. Or just tell people that sidle up to you to leave you alone.

I see where you are going, but it hasn't anything to do with that in my opinion. Public establishment + merry/cosy atmosphere + optional amount of alcohol = social contact. People are social creatures and a number of people go to pubs to meet people in the first place. If you don't feel like talking, keep saying you want to be left alone or buy a beer at the shop and drink at home if that's too much to handle and you merely want to relax. I know people come to talk to me eventually when I go into a pub and stay to hoist a few. I don't get bothered by that.

All, and I mean all, of my female friends like a drink or too many, so I would never assume a woman was in a bar for any other reason than the consumption of alcohol to some degree or other.

I'd say it depends entirely on the bar. The only way to know is to go there. Pick a quiet time on your first visit, mid afternoon would be good. Get a feel of the place. If you feel uncomfortable, try the next bar.

Although a man, I look like my avatar (apart from the red beard, mine is a little whiter now), so unless I'm in my local, I attract attention whereever I go. Some bar punters learn to ignore me, some don't. If you go into the place expecting everyone to notice you, you'll get noticed because you'll be looking at everyone (examining them to see if they are examining you). Just go in, order a drink. Sit at a table if you want privacy, sit at the bar if you want to talk (not the same as wanting to be hit apon).

If you are at the bar and I had nothing better to do I would probably start a conversation. The same goes if there was a guy on his own though.

What would I think? Not much, as I'd be too busy drinking with my buddies. Otherwise, I'd start up a conversation to near-by barmates, as that's what I did at a convention I was at, when my friends ditched me to sleep or deal with boyfriend problems -_-

Met a lot of good people that way, though.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with making conversation and understand that happens quite a bit in that environment. Friendly pvssyr is fine, even appreciated. I just don't want to appear desperate and that I am only there for attention and to be approached.

I was basically just wondering whether, upon seeing me, a guy would assume I am there to meet guys; or they would actually realize that I am there for the same reason they are: just to relax and enjoy a change of scenery.

Go to a bar that's attached to a diner or something. If you really just don't want to be around anybody and loathe the fact that somebody there might talk to you, then you're right by staying at home.

I thought you where going to make a joke.

I say do what you feel is right.

As I said, I don't think much about it. Just another person out to have drinks.

I'll say it again. Depends on the bar. Protip: Make sure it's not a singles bar!

The last time I seen a girl walk into a bar it looked pretty painful

I understand you said it before, but I am looking for more than one opinion.

There is quite a lot to be said about using common sense. I won't go to a club or a meat-market bar and I certainly won't go on a Saturday night.

Assuming every guy who talks to you is trying to pick you up is accurate, but all it takes is mentioning a made up boyfriend to steer him back on the correct track of conversation. Are you single? Why not give it a shot? If not, why not go out with your boyfriend?

Then don't act like you feel that way. That's all you can do. Different people have different motives. And some go there because they don't want to stay alone forever, which is still supposed to be normal in our society, I guess.
Really, just relax over that assumption. Just accept such a night can evolve in different ways.

I'd say you're not responsible for other people's misapprehensions about why you are there. If they make false assumptions, that's their problem. If you feel like you are being harassed, leave. The owners of the establishment won't be happy to see a paying customer driven off.

Its interesting that you'd go to such a social destination without wanting to socialize with anyone. I'm usually at the bar with friends at least once a week...I usually don't drink but instead eat a lot of wings.

Whenever I see loners at bars, the first thing that comes to mind is a recovering alcoholic in relapse -- so I think you should be good!

Try entering a gay bar. That should work.

But, umm, more seriously though: I bet most guys going to bars aren't there just to drink. That can be done anywhere, and much cheaper too.

I'm not gonna beat around the bush.

Yes. They will see you as someone who is there to get picked up.

That's what bars are for. It'd be like wondering why people keep trying to, I dunno, sell you shoes when all you want to do is sit down in the comfy chairs of the department store.

Likewise, I go to a bar to drink. I am not somebody who picks people up. Doesn't mean you shouldn't expect it at bars as that's why most people go.

Oy...

Maybe I didn't explain it quite right, it isn't that I don't want to socialize at all. I said before, I have no problem with friendly conversation. I just basically didn't want to appear to be a "sure thing" to anyone because I'm there alone. Granted, it is somewhat of a vulnerable position to be in and I just wondered what might go through a guy's mind upon seeing me.

Obviously, I usually go out with friends. It's just that every so often, they are either busy, or I want to stop for a quick drink on the way home from work and it isn't even worth giving them a call.

But I agree with the notion that their interpretation is their problem and to try not to worry about it. But I think until you've been in a woman's shoes in that regard...it's just...harder than you think. You feel like you look desperate and seeking attention and basically an easy target.


Appreciate your honesty.

But damn I can't stand that logic. Not to get all feministy, but why can a guy unwind after a tough day at work and not have everyone questioning *why* he is there? I see your point, but it's merely wanting a change of scenery and a chance to relax with a beer or two.

And I must say, I disagree that "that's what bars are for". I think they can certainly serve that purpose, but aren't limited to that.

Well, it seems a lot of people would disagree with you there, otherwise you wouldn't have made this thread and went off for that drink without worrying. It's quite simple, can't handle it, don't go there. Most people are reasonable enough to enjoy their drinks and leave you alone if you tell them to. I don't know about your place, but where I live, there used to be a lot more pubs not so long ago, people frequented them more often and this whole paradox "I'm in a public space, but I want to reserve personal space" didn't appear to exist.

Simply true.

Well, when/if I was younger and single...I'd leave you alone. I'd figure if you were there for any other reason...you would saunter over and sit by me.

See, it can work both ways there 'cutie'...

Oh the hassles I used to endure.