1. She has a boyfriend.
2. She's moving away soon.

Surely each of those things are enough reason on their own not to do this? Especially the second one (although I don't agree with Oof at all), because unless you think you can convince her to stay in some crazy Richard Curtis-movie scenario, then you're gonna lose her anyway.

If, like you say, you genuinely can think of a way to let her know how you feel without it being awkward, then go for it. But I can't imagine how that's possible in a case like this.

If she doesn't dump her boyfriend for you, then she was worth it but is unreachable.

If she dumps her boyfriend for you, then she'll dump you for the next guy too.

Lose/lose situation. Not saying anything means you avoid that lose/lose situation and aren't a thieving weasel: win/win situation.

I am not a big fan of going after someone when they are already in a relationship. A potential romantic interest who is "unavailable" sort of muddies up your ability to really "see" the person, because that weird competitiveness takes over "must win this person" doesn't equate to "am getting to know this person".

You had an interesting convo with her, she's someone with potential. Given facebook and stuff like that, it might be nice to stay casually in touch - IN A NON-CREEPY WAY. You have a common interest in games and whatnot. Who knows, a year or two from now, maybe she's back in the area, maybe you are both single and things can go in a more interesting direction instead of down a dead end. But that's not something to "wait and hope for", it's just one of those things that can happen in life, when you are, you know, living your life normally.

Yup. Any girl who leaves a guy for you is just as likely to leave you for anyone else.

In my eyes, being in a relationship IS commitment.

OP, just let it go. You said yourself she's moving away.

Yeah, I thought as much. Like I said, it's not like I'm head over heels or anything...but I felt there was some attraction there (and I'm normally a good judge of that) which, coupled with her body language towards her guy, made me think that there was trouble in paradise.

Having said that, I did think it was a pretty dike move, which is why I thought I'd get a second, third, fourth and fifth opinion...I'll bite my tongue, and let things play out...after all, I'm not a dike (I don't think?)

Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER tell a girl how you feel about her. (Edit: To clarify, show it instead.)

You should always get a girl's number after first contact, make it a habit.

Secondly, whilst I approve of you going after the girl, despite already being in a relationship (it's fair game as long as they are not getting married or are married) you should ask yourself a few questions before attempting it. Is the boyfriend a [censored]? Do you intend on keeping her as your girlfriend if you succeed, and not as a toy for a couple of nights? Are you willing to provide more than her current boyfriend is providing? You say that she is going away soon, that pretty much doesn't allow you to have a relationship with her so I wouldn't attempt this.

On the other hand, you have a shot at having a fling with her. I do not approve of this however. Girls in relationships are the easiest to have a fling with cause most of the time their boyfriends are so boring or inefficient that they get desperate. The longer the relationship, the easier it gets.

If she wasn't going away, I would have given you the green light. It may be immoral, but fair game is fair game as long as they're not getting married as I said. A girl is happiest with the strongest.

I also recommend seeing other girls yourself, you sound heavily deprived of some lovin', which is why you're nearly obsessed with this girl in the first place.

I appreciate your comments...

Just to clear one thing up though...I'm not the sort of person who's into flings. For reasons I can't really talk about (read: religious), I'm not looking for someone to just hook up with - one night stands, flings, casual six etc, really not my thing. I'm all about the long term. I wouldn't even think about wanting to be with someone if it wasn't for something serious.

I realise that I barely know her, and I'm not one of those people who instantly falls in love whenever anyone sans testicles starts talking to me! The things that did it for me was the last time I felt that kind of instant chemistry with somebody was the girl I wound up spending 3 years of my life with...kinda confused me a little, to tell the truth!

EDIT: Also, I'm not deprived of lovin'...I'm not the sort of person that bases my self worth on whether or not I'm in a relationship. It really doesn't bother me...I go out, I meet girls, I get on with them...purely platonic, because random, ahem, 'encounters' don't really interest me. Every now and then I'll meet a girl that I think something might work with. We'll go on a couple of dates, I'll realise she's not the girl for me, or we want different things in life, we go our separate ways. I'm happy the way things are! But I just wasn't sure whether I should do something about this. General consensus is no, basically confirming what I already thought

Another also...I did get her number, I tend to make it a habit too!

I completely understand you, being religious myself. However flings don't necessarily mean six with every girl you set your eyes on. Hell that is disgusting. Make out sessions are totally innocent, and fun. Think of them as practicing for when you do find someone long term. Better to mess up in the former than in the latter.


You sound like an intelligent guy, the past shouldn't be effecting you like this. Forget completely about what happened three years ago and focus on the present. If you relate the present with the past you'll end up repeating the same mistakes, and look how that ended. The instant chemistry is very common, its not something out of a romantic novel or a sign of a guaranteed 100% match for you. The more girls you met, the more you notice it.

Yeah, I know I just don't really see the point really? I guess that's just me though...sure, if I go to a party or something, that usually happens...but I did think you were talking more about six and general short relationships



I'll take that as a compliment

As far as the past is concerned, it did screw me up...completely! A girl cheating on you after 3 years, denying it, proceeding to sleep with tonnes of guys to try and make you jealous, supposedly getting pregnant by one of them, asking you to go with her to the abortion (which I did!), then pretending everything is okay...*breaths* I think you get the picture. I hadn't got over her at all, until a couple of weeks ago, when she told me that the abortion she had (that I 'attended' with her) was actually mine...it was weird, because I was suddenly over her in a shot, yet completely devastated at the same time!

But rant aside, yeah, I do get what you mean Which is why I've decided to leave it...probably for the best

I smell an affair!

I think you should just let it go man, maybe try to keep in touch with her (not an overbearing friendship) to see whats going on, and if you can make your move soon. PEople who are saying tell her how you feel, I don't think you understand how [censored] it is when guys are hitting on your gf in a serious way. It pissed me off every time when my ex's dumb fatass friend tried win her away from me. It didn't work for him, but its seriously so [censored] annoying.

I know you won't be surprised to read this: not everybody thinks like you do.


It's immoral to ask someone out now? What corner of the internet have I stumbled on?

Anyway, OP, I was going to say that since she's moving away, her relationship can't be that big of a deal to her, so you should go at it anyway, but you've made up your mind so never mind that.

Read the whole post, sir. I was referring to girls already in a relationship.

If there's anyone on the forums I'd hit the bar with, it's you. You chill-raccoon.

Anyways, I say talk to her. Maybe not ask her out, but ask her how her relationship is and...Feel it out. If she's not happy with dude-bro, it's definitely worth a shot.

i thought you were joking at first, but this is even more hilarious since you're obviously serious

^ Not really, the world is not all happy rainbows, smiling ponies and what not.
Relationships at our young age never mean anything, donno why they are taken seriously.

people are dikes, that's why i'm a dike too

Let it go.

It won't seem like it, but it will be better for you (and everybody involved, too).

But, you're not a person....you're a tiger....I thought you were different from all the rest.

I feel like I'm in a 19th-Century Nuns R Us forum. I am disappointed in you, Bethumites. Next, most of you are going to tell me advlterers should walk around with big red As stitched on their attire.

i don't care if you have a different view than most of the people here you can get a hug

Just because some of us wish to uphold ourselves with some sense of honour we're super conservatives? Bro, you probably would get pissed if some dude just started flirting with your girlfriend, even if your girlfriend wasn't interested in the guy, it's the principle of the matter. I wouldn't like someone hitting on my girlfriend if I had one, so why would I go hitting on other people's girlfriends? I'm pretty 'treat others as you'd want to be treated'. I think it's pretty weasely to go asking someone in a relationship on a date.

Same here. As if the opening sentence wasn't bad enough, quite a bit of the rest is worthy of facepalm.jpg

Happy to disappoint in this case! Not sure how trying to be a decent guy and respecting an already established relationship makes you a nun.

Ya, I'm jealous when someone asks her out. But then I also get a bit of a kick out of it. Hey, I've got good taste. I do pick the right girls. And if she's saying no to other guys, that means she's always picking me over them. It's a pretty good feeling.

I don't see what honour has to do with this. It's got nothing to do with the other guy. (Unless it is just a matter of wanting what you can't have. I'm against that.) It's about the girl. And that girl may or may not be serious about the relationship. You can't know until you ask. There's no harm in just asking. (And if there is harm in just asking, then the people in that relationship have big problems.)

And if my girlfriend did take someone up on their offer? I'd be glad I found out now that she isn't that into me, rather than later. It would svck, but I'd be happy it happened.

If people are so insecure and self-centred that they can't stand to have somebody ask their partners out, that's their problem, not their partner's or other people's.


Aw, thanks.