Awwww you hurt my feelings. I jest

I thought I was the only one around here who thought like this...I was starting to feel insecure about my securities...

This thread is a giant exercise in moping.

Sorry OP.

I wouldn't ask her out or anything, just stay in contact with her and see how it goes from there.

Missed this comment. In your case, you should not at all try to get with her. Also, that's a good habit. If nothing else, you get a friend out of it.


I was feeling the same way until Arathorn and Albinodunmer showed up. And now you.

From previous experience, stealing a girl from another guy always leads to insecurities in a relationship. If she can leave him, she can leave you sort of thing. I'd say leaving it be is the wise choice. I've never been a fan of the wise choice, so I'd try and steal her.

Personally, I'd say no. In my eyes, one of the most disrespectful things you could do is try to weasel your way between an already existing relationship.

Just because a couple isn't all touchy-feely, doesn't mean they're not into each other. I personally don't like PDA at all (that includes things like hand holding if we're in a group of friends). If you like her, the least you can do is respect the fact that she's in a relationship. If she really doesn't want to be there she'll leave. Nobody needs anyone to remind them that there are other people they could be having a relationship with - unless they are completely unaware that other people exist. Which I'd suggest is weird.

That's what I was trying to say before I gave up and went to bed .

The only way you can get a 'win' out of it is if you're only after a one night stand, and even then it's still very bad manners (and could cause long term damage to both the woman and the other man).

Unless the bloke she's leaving is outright abusive (and you aren't). But if that's the case, she probably shouldn't be jumping straight into another relationship.

Given the ever increasing number of people who have relationships and no intention of ever exchanging rings, who are more committed than most marriages, I don't think that holds true at all these days.

Also, one element that people seem to be ignoring is that the women involved may find it annoying to be hit on by men who know they're taken. Flattering as it may be to feel desirable, having someone pursue you despite being aware of your relationship is insulting; it implies that you would betray your partner.

EDIT: We should all bear in mind that we don't all move in the same circles; girls/boys who go out dancing and drinking every night are unlikely to react in the same way as a retiring P&PRPG player (and even less extreme examples can make big differences).

I'm completely with what Mr House just said. This can be summed up by "do unto others, as you would have others do unto you.|" I'm not religious at all, but that's a pretty great way to set the standards for how to live life. I used to get really pissed off when guys would weasel in on my gf, knowing that I was going out with her. I also got involved with a girl who had a boyfriend and it went terribly. Never again...

most religions teach good values

I agree with that. I work for a holiday company in Greece for 8 months of the year, so there are a lot of girls that come out looking for something, because their boyfriend is at home. It's a bit of minefield.

Raccoon. You already know what you want to do in your head, go with option C.

It's a classic romantic move and will definitely win her over, and her boyfriend won't know who it was.

Win/win situation right there.

My advice would be to leave it. There are so many uncertainties and shes moving away soon anyway. The best you can hope for is an extremely brief, complicated relationship and from the sounds of things you prefer a longer and more honest relationship.
So overall, it simply isn't worth it. Dull, I know but a hell of a lot simpler.

Do nothing.

Look at it like this, if she is currently in a relationship and you ask her out it is a lose-lose for you.
If she says "no" (the likely result) you don't get a date and you piss off the boyfriend.
If she says "yes", you get the date, piss off the boyfriend, earn a reputation as an untrustworthy type, and learn that she will probably be willing to dump you mid-relationship should someone better come along.

I see no positive outcomes.

Move on, she's relocating, she's involved in a relationship already, you don't really know enough about her to make a judgement on whether or not putting yourself out on the line emotiuonally is worth it. The odds are stacked against you.


Unless of course, the object of this thread is not advice, but having strangers in an internet forum condone or justify your participation in an activity you yourself find socially iffy. You don't need my, or anyone else's permission to ask this girl out, it doesn't affect us in the slightest, if you want to do so, then make like NIke and just do it.

Haha, this is most definitely an advice thread. I have mutual friends with the guy, so I couldn't really ask people at home what they thought. Like I said before, I thought it was a pretty bad move anyway...if I didn't, I wouldn't have asked you guys/girls. But I guess I was kinda hoping for more incredible stories where it worked, the guy came out the Hero and lived the rest of his life in wealth and fame! Apparently not

I'm glad I asked though. We're in contact, and talking regularly...no more, no less It's for the best,

Yeah, I went out with a girl who dumped her boyfriend for me. She ditched me after 2 months and went back to him because she felt so guilty. It didn't go well.

BGSF, I am dissapointed. It took this long for someone to say option C?

Mighty Racoon, I think the deciding factor here is... what kind of games does she play? Because I think that we can all agree that if this girl plays Skyrim/ etc. then boyfriends are irrelevant, you need to date this girl.

Jokes aside, option C is obviously the best answer. However, if no opera kidnapping opportunities are forthcoming, my recommendation is that you don't make a move on her, but that you don't necessarily hide your feeling either. Get her number/facebook, talk to her and get to know her but make it somewhat clear you're interested in her. Moving in on another guy's girlfriend isn't cool, but if you don't do anything overt I reckon that's fine. Laying out her options though so to speak will work in your favour.

Almost forgot, obligatory http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yc5OyXmHD0w&ob=av3e.

Stay in touch with her over time. Like someone else suggested, maybe you'll live in the same area down the road and both be single. In my opinion if she's willing to leave her boyfriend for you after you would potentially tell her how you feel, she wouldn't have lasted with such a guy in the first place. If you go that route, just don't be flagrant about it. Tell her or show her plainly and simply. If she wants to be with you she will be, but don't accept that if it means she's cheating. There's a way to do it without being utterly disrespectful, but it may end up worse than it began regardless. Your call.

i feel sorry for the other guy

Lot's of good advice there methinks. Unfortunately, no opera's around where I live, so I'm gonna have to leave her be.


Well, like I already said, my ex cheated on me so I know how that feels. I would never, ever be with a girl that has another bloke. But if that girls wants to leave a bloke to be with me, and that bloke isn't a friend, then that's her choice. I knew this already. The morally grey area was whether there was much of a difference between her leaving him to be with me and me making a pretty big move on her, in an attempt to pull her away from him. General consensus seems to be that there is.

Yeah, I wasn't really comfortable with it. But she spent the whole time complaining how unhappy she was in her previous relationship, then just dropped me in a flash. I learnt a lot from that. Unfortunately desire is a hard thing to quell in a lot of cases. It's easier said than done to ignore a very attractive girl who is all over you for 2 weeks straight.

actually i feel sorry for all of you, but you and the girl had it coming to you

Unless The Dark Knight was mates with the boyfriend, he had nothing coming to him! It was the girl that was in the wrong...