Dawnguard Beta #16

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 11:48 pm

» Sun Jun 17, 2012 4:20 am

» Sun Jun 17, 2012 2:14 am

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 10:17 pm

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 10:09 pm

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 1:03 pm

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 9:21 pm

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 2:07 pm

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 8:42 pm

Anyone else doing this right now?

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 9:01 pm

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 3:58 pm

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 8:19 pm

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 9:26 pm

Here is the story of Movarth, a man on a quest to root out all false beta testers and trolls who like to post that they got the beta but in fact they did not!

The threads and posts were hidden from sight, making that particular quiet night especially dark. The town moderator had to carry torches to make their rounds; but the man who came to call at my chapel carried no light with him. I came to learn that Movarth Piquine could post in the dark almost as well as the light — an excellent talent, considering his interests were exclusively nocturnal.

One of my acolytes brought him to me, and from the look of him, I at first thought he was in need of a healing. He was pale to the point of opalescence with a face that looked like it had once been very handsome before some unspeakable suffering. The dark circles under his eyes bespoke exhaustion, but the eyes themselves were alert, intense, almost insane.

He quickly dismissed my notion that he himself was ill, though he did want to discuss a specific disease.

"Dawnguard Beta," he said, and then paused at my quizzical look. "I was told that you were someone I should seek out for help understanding it."

"Who told you that?" I asked with a smile.

"Jim, from the forums."

I immediately remembered him. A brave, beautiful knight who had needed my assistance separating fact from fiction on the subject of the beta. It had been two years, and I had never heard whether my advice had proved effective.

"You've spoken to him? How is his lordship?" I asked.

"Dead," Movarth replied coldly, and then, responding to my shock, he added to perhaps soften the blow. "He said your advice was invaluable, at least for the one troll. When last I talked to him, she was tracking another. It killed him."

"Then the advice I gave him was not enough," I sighed. "Why do you think it would be enough for you?"

"I was a mod once myself, years ago," he said. "Not in the General Discussion. A mod in the Off Topic. But I know that if a student doesn't ask the right questions, the teacher cannot be responsible for his failure. I intend to ask you the right questions."

And that he did. For hours, he asked questions and I answered what I could, but he never volunteered any information about himself. He never smiled. He only studied me with those intense eyes of his, commiting [sic] every word I said to memory.

Finally, I turned the questioning around. "You said you were a Moderator of the Off Topic section. Are you on an assignment for them?"

"No," he said curtly, and finally I could detect some weariness in those feverish eyes of his. "I would like to continue this tomorrow night, if I could. I need to get some sleep and absorb this."

"You sleep during the day," I smiled.

To my surprise, he returned the smile, though it was more of a grimace. "When tracking your beta invite, you adapt to Bethesda's habits."

The next day, he did return with more questions, these ones very specific. He wanted to know about the Dawnguard Trolls of the Dawnguard Beta Thread. I told him about the most powerful tribe, the Tricksters, paranoid and cruel, whose very post could accelerate their victims' heart in the seconds. I explained to him how they lived beneath the basemant of remote and haunted apartments, never venturing into the world of men except to feed.

Movarth Piquine listened carefully, and asked more questions into the night, until at last he was ready to leave.

"I will not see you for a few days," he said. "But I will return, and tell you how helpful your information has been."

True to his word, the man returned to my chapel shortly after midnight four days later. There was a fresh scar on his cheek, but he was smiling that grim but satisfied smile of his.

"Your advice helped me very much," he said. "But you should know that the Tricksters have an additional ability you didn't mention. They can reach through the post of their threads without it being locked. It was quite a nasty surprise, being trolled from below without any warning."

"How remarkable," I said with a laugh. "And terrifying. You're lucky you survived."

"I don't believe in luck. I believe in knowledge and training. Your information helped me, and my skill at troll identification sealed the bloodsvcker's fate. I've never believed in weaponry of any kind. Too many unknowns. Even the best swordsmith has created a flawed blade, but you know what your body is capable of. I know I can land a thousand blows without losing my balance, provided I get the first strike."

"The first strike?" I murmured. "So you must never be surprised."

"That is why I came to you," said Movarth. "You know more than anyone alive about these monsters, in all their cursed varieties across the land. Now you must tell me about the Beta Abusers of the Bethesda Forums."

I did as he asked, and once again, his questions taxed my knowledge. There were many tribes to cover. The "Only in it for the free beta" beta testers who were indistinguishable from normal beta testers except when seen by candlelight. Some of them can disintegrate into mist once they receive the beta invite. The "Sore losers who hate anyone else with a beta invite" who swallowed beta testers whole. The dreaded Forum Bully who preyed on laymen with low post count, eventually taking their place in the forum, waiting patiently for years before murdering the mods in their unnatural hunger.

Once again, he bade me farewell, promising to return in a few weeks, and once again, he returned as he said, just after midnight. This time, Movarth had no fresh scars, but he again had new information.

"You were wrong about the "Only in it for the free beta" beta testers being unable to vaporize when they are reported," he said, patting my shoulder fondly. "Fortunately, they cannot travel far in their mist form, and I was able to track it down."

"It must have surprised it fearfully. Your field knowledge is becoming impressive," I said. "I should have had an acolyte like you decades ago."

"Now, tell me," he said. "Of the beta testers of "People who pretend to report bugs but actually never found any to make it look like they do something." "

I told him what I could. There was but one tribe in the Dawnguard Beta thread, a powerful clan who had ousted all other competitors, much like the moderators themselves had done. Their true name was unknown, lost in history, but they were experts at concealment. If they kept themselves well-posted, they were indistinguishable from normal beta testers. They were cultured, more civilized than the trolls of the forum, preferring to feed on Bethesda while they were asleep, unaware.

"They will be difficult to surprise," Movarth frowned. "But I will seek one out, and tell you what I learn. And then you will tell me of the false beta testers and trolls of the Cheats Hints Spoilers, Lore, and Bug Report sections, yes?"

I nodded, knowing then that this was a man on an eternal quest. He wouldn't be satisfied with but the barest hint of how things were. He needed to know it all.

He did not return for a month, and on the night that he did, I could see his frustration and despair, though there were no lights burning in my chapel.

"I failed," he said, as I lit a candle. "You were right. I could not find a single one."

I brought the light up to my face and smiled. He was surprised, even stunned by the pallor of my flesh, the dark hunger in my ageless eyes, and the post count.Oh, yes, I think the post count definitely surprised the man who could not afford to be surprised.

"I haven't posted in seventy-two hours," I explained, as I trolled him. He did not land the first warning by Rohugh or the last.

You sir win all da internetz.

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 3:05 pm

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 1:48 pm

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 5:09 pm

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 11:48 pm

» Sun Jun 17, 2012 3:04 am

» Sun Jun 17, 2012 3:45 am

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 10:59 pm

» Sun Jun 17, 2012 3:51 am

Blasphemy! Minecraft on a Skyrim forum

I seriously have exhausted myself with all this hype, I bet its when I go off that the codes get sent out, it's always the way

not If I Think I'm playing the beta in a minecraft-ed world >u>

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 1:14 pm

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 3:16 pm

» Sun Jun 17, 2012 12:35 am

» Sat Jun 16, 2012 9:48 pm