Doesn't discard the fact that it's an ignorant viewpoint.

Here is what you need to do:

1. Respect your parents.
2. Respect your parents' rules.
3. Respect your parents' beliefs.
4. Respect yourself.

Here is how:

1. If you being a homosixual is something they do not want to discuss, don't bring it up. There are literally billions of other topics to talk about. You have already tried to discuss it and it didn't go well, futher discussion will not improve your situation.
2. If they don't want you to bring over a boyfriend, don't. It is their home and therefore they control who can and cannot come inside.
3. Dating is between you and the person you are dating. Your parents are not dating him and don't want him at their house. You will need to visit with him at a different location. If you cannot afford to, then you need to practice some patience and wait.
4. You are 19 and only recently employed with (I'm assuming) no savings. Moving out will probably be the single greatest mistake of your life as far as your finances are concerned. You will inccur debt that will take years to pay off and will further prevent you from buying a house/car/education or getting a decent job. Dating is fun, but it is also expensive. If you can't afford to do it, don't.

This is a pretty bad idea

He has already told them, and they didn't like that. Proceeding to talk about it will not make it better but rather worse. He does not need their approval and what he does with his romantic life is not their concern.

You will never gain acceptance by demanding it.

Nor by ignoring the topic either.

1. Respect yourself

Fixed. My parents rules and beliefs are NOT my own, as such why should I follow them?

Just because I live with my parents does NOT mean I should, nor will I, submit to them as if I'm a mindless slave. Not to mention they should have respect for me as well, on a purely mutual basis. And don't pull that "they raised you so you should respect them" crap. I didn't ask for them to do any of the stuff they did, nor did I ask to be born. Half the time I wish I hadn't been, actually.



See above. Just because they dislike my lifestyle choices does NOT mean I'm just going to pretend they don't exist.

As stated above this is off topic, I kindly ask that you not derail the thread any more.

Nothing good has ever come out of ignoring the issue completely.

Have you ever heard the expression "ignorance is bliss"? His parents clearly have. They do not want to discuss it and out of respect for them he should keep it to himself. If they ever decide to bring it up that would be the time to have the discussion.

That's frankly one of the worst pieces of advice I've ever heard, including advice given by Dr. Phil.

Because of this incident right ?


Which you don't seem to be doing that much of because of the incident.

She feels bad about this whole argument, truly it seems to be that way. She seems torn between loving you like any mother loves her son and disliking you because her religion tells her you are a bad person because you are homosixual. She has to decide which she ultimately sides with, you or her religion. Your parents seem to be beating around the bush not really taking a complete stance with either but in the end they have to decide which is more important to them, you or their religious views.

I myself had a civil confirmation which was a heavy blow on my father and we had some heated arguments but in the end he had to choose if he wanted to be on good terms with me or if he wanted to disown me as his religion would wish him to do and in the end he made the better choice.

There can be no middle ground in these kind of matters, all or nothing. Either they can accept you for who you are or they don't and keep making you pay for it. Which in that case you're better off somewhere else.

So where is his respect?

Respect is earned. If you don't get it, you don't need to give it.

Respect is earned by giving it.

His rather angry responses above suggest that he is opposed to respecting his parents, which is probably a contributing factor in his OP situation.

Also:
Respect =/= Agreement
You can completely disagree with a person and still respect them, a practice that he clearly needs to work on.

So Morrowindfan's parents don't have to think about it whilst MF has to go on upset that his parents refuse to accept him and he can't talk to them about it! Great advice! :goodjob:

It's clear that they are the ones that disrespected him first. Trying to exorcise it out of him? Are you serious?

Don't ever try to tell someone they should respect their parents no matter what. You don't know what kind of people they are.

True, but a tit-for-tat exchange never works at solving a problem.

He came out, they freaked out. Now they have angry arguments whenever the topic is brought up.

Someone has to start rebuilding the respect and since the OP came here and not his parents, I can only make recommendations to him about what he needs to do.

Rebuild the respect and wait for them to open up about it. That is the only option that will end amicably.

Want me to paint a picture?

Sitting behind my locked door, blocking it as tears stream down my face. Knife in my hand, ready to defend myself from my own father should the need arise. The sound of him attempting to force my door open, yelling in a loud voice, screaming to god to exorcise demons within me.

Respect for my parents, particularly my dad, died then and there. I still have that burned into my memory, and probably always will.

Why would he? Why does he need to keep respecting someone who has let him know several times that they will not accept him for who he is? Sometimes you just have to say "enough" and put an end to that relationship, even if those people are your parents. Just because they are, does not mean you must love them.
If they have ever had the slightest bit of respect for him, they would apologize and admit their reactions were wrong and hurtful. And not make him go through the extra effort because their poor fragile hearts can't take it that their son falls in love with men.

@MF - that's... I can't even put it into words. I'm too disgusted.

I never had boyfriends sleep at my parents house, even as an advlt or on visits. The only male that has ever slept there is my husband, and that happened at Christmas one year, after we were married.
I also didn't feel comfortable engaging in advlt recreational activites in their house, out of respect for them, and respect for me.
I am worth the drive, visiting an apartment, worth hotel room, and the hubs drove an hour and a half with busted leg to see me when we were first dating.

Get a job, get a car, get an apartment, pay the bills, be the mistriss of your own domain. Until then, I must inform you that it is your parent's house, your parent's rules, and they pay the bills, and do not owe you an explanation as to why. At nineteen, you are a legal advlt, and capable of being responsible for yourself.

I can't forsee any reeason I would want my parents to meet a girl I was dating unless I intended to marry her, and they're way more liberal than I am anyway.

They did apologize, but let's be serious here, how can you expect someone to trust you again after that? Even worse is that they made the excuse that the exorcism "was the first reaction that came to mind" because I was "acting differently and they didn't know what to do."

Considering things that happened BEFORE then, I.E. telling me that I was in the wrong, potentially going to hell, and cutting me off from the internet and thus contact with my then boyfriend, of course I was acting differently. How could you NOT get upset due to that? I mean really.

Come to think of it, considering I was a minor at the time, I may be able to sue for abuse/mental anguish should I choose to. I still have enough love for my parents not to do that though.

An apology is worth nothing when the people that are supposed to love you unconditionally do little if anything at all to regain your trust and respect. Now, I don't know how your life generally is with them, but based on what I've read today, I believe you would be happier away from them.

Typically it's fairly calm, but when issues like this do arise, it's usually of the scale as what happened today.

And yeah, I do think I would be happier away from them.

Then I hope you do get away as soon as possible. Good luck.

Its their house, and while you don't agree with them, as long as you live under them, its their house. Maybe you could pitch in a bit, help with the bills etc and they'll be more understanding.

But their root seems to be their homo-phobia which is quite well, hard to end, if not impossible. They did apologize, but wait a bit and do things like I said above. Remember, they will always love you no matter what.