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100 + reasons why Dan hates Vavra TES V: Skyrim
Associated Game: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
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I admit that I play Skyrim. Why, when it is so terrible? Because of me or anyone else who likes an open world RPG, nothing else left. It's as if you were on a desert island for years with a beautiful blonde. Really beautiful. Her only "minor" defect would be to have yellow teeth, smell it from my mouth, is completely stupid and has gonorrhea. I understand that after several weeks of fasting that most men do not last, but it just is not true when their new partner will shout to the world that it is the healthiest and smartest girl in the world. It just is not, even if you do it on a desert island you can not even imagine how such a smart, beautiful and healthy woman looks like. Skyrim is like the Blondie. It is not the best but the only one. This is the basic advantage of the western desert island RPG. If you want to play an open world RPG, even beg you to let you Bethesda.
Open World RPG it are like a drug. It is in them so many things that in them you can completely lose even if you do not like something, you always find something else that at least tolerable. The joy of discovering and testing things is simply irreplaceable, and other games to the extent not occur. But that still does not mean that Skyrim is busty Swede, Nobel Laureate and world champion in the Kama Sutra. Skyrim has yellow teeth from his mouth stinks, is completely stupid and has gonorrhea. And I am tired of imagining that instead of pleasing curves zrúdi?ky blonde Helga.
If Bethesda tried. If the game is improved. If the error was decreasing. If it is not simply recycled seven years old engine. If the designers of the game thought. Then I was excited from Skyrimu. But it is not. Skyrim has a million bugs and flaws.
Once upon a time I thought it was the fact that the game is too big and difficult to debug, but now I do not think so. Bethesda still repeating the same mistakes for twenty years. He can not put right, or utter banolities, the repair, which in fact it is not repaired, but the change in the normal state, would mean rewriting a single number, or trivial code modification. Additionally, Bethesda is not a garage business. The Elder Scrolls earn huge money and can afford so much more vast than most other artists. In Bethesda, but the motto is - is not competition, so what we tried.
The horse always looks so terrible. Most NPCs still dub four equal voices. Animation is still anything absolutely horrible. Engine is still about ten years behind the rest of the world. The game is still one million bugs, including freezes on the consoles. There is still tragically ill balanced. And what is worst, in Bethesda, designers are still able to map on one side of the pole on the second board and concrete.
And I was not unlike the rest of the game world do not enjoy. I do not feel good in the world Skyrimu. I constantly feel that it created a stupid and ignorant and it's all such a strange nightmare. And to everything I can not help thinking that the other game to get some drugs and I did not.
On the average really devoted fan hare, that it does not matter! Skyrim is still God's best ultra mega beautiful game in the world ever! And it goes on to make V-W-E-CH-N-O!
Yes, it Skyrimu do everything, but as he wrote in MagusGrandios user rating on Metacritic, "You can fight! But it is the worst combat system ever. You can steal! But it's just picking things off the ground. You can break into the home! But it's just terrible mini-game. You can ride a horse! But it is exactly the same as when you walk, only to have his ass p?ilepenyho horses. You can talk to thousands of NPCs! But all will tell you one of four things and you tell them anything, absolutely nothing changed. And so on ... "
The fact that this game has an average rating of 95% and none of anyone below the mind, is simply incomprehensible to me irrational frenzy. I understand the high ratings and some criticism here, but the dozens and completely uncritical glorification quite clearly broken and bad things really understand and I can not swallow.
I am a little worried that Bethesda neza?alovala me as a poor use of the word Notch Scrolls, but not otherwise. Truth wins! Here is 100 + reasons why I hate Skyrim:
User Interface
First Bethesda not cure what has been broken and shattered what was wrong. GUI was totally OK, but it just Bethesda decided to change and managed to create something that does not work on consoles or the PC, it has much less functionality and more it looks nasty.
Second You can sort items. You can sort the items! SORT ITEMS NOT!!
Third It is desperately confused and in doing so disgustingly wasted space.
4th When you pick something that you do not, which is very easy, in dozens of items it is difficult to find.
5th If you want to cancel a trivial function, not just pressing B / CANCEL menu will pop up as if you wanted to format the disk and you have to select CANCEL / NO and confirm by pressing A. opruz incomprehensible.
6th World Map 3D is a good idea but in execution it Skyrimu confused chaos.
7th Maps of the interior in the form of brown spots are automatically generated somehow utterly tragic.
8th Newly the quest is never marked as active and you have to go to the quest menu and activate it there, that is exactly the opposite than normal.
9th Compass is a hell, where everything overlaps and where your brand, allowing you to help in orientation and only one has a different color than white, there is a certain distance at all to see and to close is usually covered with everything else, so it is absolutely useless.
10th Bethesda completely given up on any sane autosave ...
11th ... Which could bite, but the menu at the store is a little out of hand.
12th Gone are clear statistics from Oblivion. A lot of things you find difficult, or at all.
13th Time and effect spells that apply to themselves, not seen.
14th When you dive, not to see how much you have left the air.
15th In levlovacím "Galactic" window is pretty stupid chasing some perks. The game skips other than you want and select the right kind is often unwanted mini-game.
16th Indicator stamina and magic is normal, but declining health indicator on both sides. Why?
17th Whatever you want to use (magic, stuff weapons), you must look at imbecilním inventory.
18th Favorites menu, which is why you do not have to inentá?e is as stupid as inventory, and especially when more subjects often enough for long seconds mows the entire game.
Graphics, animations and sounds
19th Bethesda did it again. She has published some nice screenshots of carefully nachystanych places and let the rest randomly generate some crazy algorithm. If people did, and worse.
20th Everyone compares Skyrim from five years old Oblivion, meanwhile came out like any other game. Skyrim looks much better than Oblivion, as it looks much worse than other open-world games (Red Dead Redemption, LA Noire)
21st Todd Howard good guess that if he confessed that he still uses Gamebryo, too much advertising would be done about them. So the engine was renamed the Creation and now it sounds better. So what if everything that is virtually identical, as it was in Oblivion and Fallout 3 This is not the same technology! Look, we have added shadows there!
22nd Yes there shadows added. Rozmatlané jagged shadows. In the year 2011. In addition, the shadows that are somehow just somewhere in most interiors are no shadows or areas are lit so bad that it's not visible.
23rd When the shadows fail, there always helps HDR or Bloom, so it all again and have refined rozmatláme nicely. And because we are amateurs, set for a game of bad ambient light, so that by day in the snow are all objects away from the black light to boot up from the contrast hurts my eyes.
24th We also discovered that there are specular and bump maps, so everything must shine disgusting. And what is really not glazed. Because we had to save, so these textures are resolution of about 16x16 pixels, and half the items in the game looks like tiles on the toilet.
25th The camera has a fairly fundamental problem when going to be riding down the hill in third-person perspective. In Bethesda, because nobody thought that it is good that the pivot axis Z. When you go down the hill and look at his character from the side, the world is so nice list and you are done nicely blivno.
26th Already Home "animation" indicates that Bethesda can not break your head with the details. When they discovered that their stupid camera looks at the beginning of the game quite tragically (as it rotates on the axis Z) and driving the car down the hill, the whole world crazy tilt, so instead of the camera they may make, or at least let the car go by plane to It was not visible, so they did ... NOTHING. At least in the intro, they could get care. Did not.
27th Howard promised a much better characters and their faces. The truth is that the characters are different. It looks monstrously still, most potav is absolutely monstrous and tragic anatomically. Most people are just freaks Skyrimu and even if they are not skeletons, demons and other monsters.
28th Bethesda also said that he does not use much content generators. That 150 dungeons in the game did not do just one person as last time, but humans eight. It does not matter. Dungeons are still just as awkward, and if the generator did not generate the landscape, but man, they should fire him. Because it is so generic that it would generate many a generator better (look for Red Dead Redemption).
29th Vegetation is no longer in charge of Speed ??Tree (in Bethesda probably save on Max von Sydow), but something created in-house. Most of the trees because it looks like a backdrop for a special pavilion constructed school students. It is sad that in a company that produces games for years in an open world, no one knows what it looks like spruce and such a shame that the company that bought the id Soft fails to pay a man who was able to model it.
30th It's a little strange that the vast majority of the interiors in the game does not have windows. It's pretty depressing, but due to the next logical window would be told by another Bethesda scam and that is ...
31st ... That when entering buildings may be due to some magical distortion of spacetime, or out of the main character, because the size of the interiors and exteriors never each other does not. In each shed can find miles of corridors and banquet hall of gigantic proportions. The problem addressed by most developers about ten years ago, primarily due to 3rd person cameras. Solved it and now most games exteriors and interiors of each sitting. Bethesda, however, a similar "trends" cough.
32nd Residents have Skyrimu not very popular in the hallways, and so he builds his castles of several tens of meters thick walls, which then burrow into the corridor. The more curves the better. The larger maze path from the bedroom to the bathroom, the better.
33rd Oops, in fact, no toilets Skyrimu not.
34th Nobody knows in Bethesda, not so basic thing as what is the vault ceiling and stone. The ceiling of the stones can be somewhat flat, because the stones are not reinforced. Throughout the game you encounter on various flat ceilings, gates and other absurdities contrary to physical laws, which any normal graphics simply can not create without shame has fallen.
35th In the ruins confirms this, they often encounter Valley ceilings that look like reinforced concrete, it depends on them absurdly mapped stones.
36th Todd Howard would simply have to pay out billions to the team earned a trip to Kutna Hora and Kokorin to see that the actual castle and pasteboard castle at Disneyland are two quite different things.
37th That it what it looks like the castle, no one in Bethesda could not find on the internet, it's too sad.
38th Although Bethesda can swing by creating a fantasy world where you can do what he wants, but I was really nice to come when he takes the Viking Longhouse from the ninth century, Art Nouveau obe?ene the fence of the nineteenth century and into the spank kind of absurd mixture of Baroque, concrete and ancient Rome.
39th With a logic one does not break your head or outside. In the game you come across the lake on the tops of mountains, streams, which ends abruptly in the middle of nowhere, and other nonsense.
40th All the pubs look the same.
41st All Longhouse Jarl look the same.
42nd All look the same strength.
43rd Most houses in the cities looks absolutely identical.
44th Signs merchants to simplify orientation, are (like in Oblivion) ??unreadable ugly gray pancakes. Again. The fact that bothers me.
45th Textures in Bethesda games, it is no chapter in itself. The most commonly used graphic technology Bethesda is emboss.
46th Color alignment of different textures to the whole of it is also misery.
47th Even in the new work no one had access to modify the generated terrain, so here again we find absurd enough angled polygons, after which it still climb steep paths twisted and more beauty.
48th Your horse with the head but not break, can climb almost vertical surfaces, jumping from heights and dvacetimetrovych at all, even though it looks like a fat poodle, jumps better than chamois.
49th Even in 2011 the Bethesda figured out how to do it, so that people coming into the interior did not disappear like ghosts. It's really hard work to model the black cube at the door and let them disappear in it.
50th If the door is really open, always open to you and pushes you or pinches somewhere.
51st Animations are terrible - starting with a normal gait, the animals over to the gourmet pieces like women in dresses sedající at the table, which is really incredible (it looks like a cross between birth and dance at the pole).
52nd A game where half the characters have different coats and flamboyant clothes, and that does not have any hint of trying to simulate the physics of clothes, a bad game.
53rd The horse again looks like a lame old dog without one leg.
54th Face animation is something totally tristního.
55th That Bethesda abandoned the special shot of the figure in the talks and now these happen in the game, there is no improvement, but [censored], that looks absolutely tragic. The interview you kidding surrounding civilians, squeeze through the other characters on whom you talk, take place against the background of fights, etc.
56th Now I let a lot of thin ice, but the soap opera of romantic synthesizer accompanying soundtrack, which is nearly the same as in Oblivion, I was climbing nicely on my nerves and that the choruses that occasionally p?imíchají Alexandrov (Russia, Norway, in Bethesda, who cares) it really does not save for me. Pseudo Baroque music and the Viking world go together about as Lady Gaga and Friends of the green valley.
57th When you're at it, so too are the environmental sounds "amazing." Get into the dungeon and two hours you have to listen to bad zaloopovanou five-second loop of some synthetic hum. Thank you, I do not want.
58th It is fantastic that the Bethesda slapped pocket and instead of two actors dub actors Skyrim four, next time it wanted but that 90% of male characters nedaboval impersonator Arnold Schwarzenegger and 90% female ?i?lavá Lisa.
59th Equally amazing is that each race has an accent, but still would like to fine-tune that each race had a different accent. It's a little strange, when half of Northern speaks like Arnie, more like Super Mario and others as well as guys from Redguard. Once you choose a template for your world country in Europe, so you also know that Norway is not Italy, and Norwegians do not speak the same accent as Berlusconi.
Gameplay
60th Todd Howard is a great PR guy and a world champion in giving labels, because it knows that it always looks great when, instead of AI, say Radiant AI, and point to some tasty script, which can crack the case. Who cares that the game then most people standing still and doing nothing or going from point A to point B and there ugly animation and plays on any occasion, stuck in a collision.
61st After ten hours of play I got the sword, which, even after forty hours of the next game is still the best weapons. This is called balancing.
62nd After forty hours on my neck still the same charm, because I could not find better.
63rd After forty hours of play I can not activate some of the perks, because even if everything lockpickuji what I encounter, I have lockpick at 34 and I need another perk 50th What I will lockpickování when dohraju main storyline and most of the larger side really do not know. So far I have but just come across the castle, which I could not overcome, so do not even know what the perks are there.
64th Likewise, since I have the best sword, I do not need shoeing, but I could forge better sword, I have a standard fitting 60th How do I get to this level when you do not need no shoe?
65th Traders have almost no lockpick for sale.
66th Speech is useless. Unlike New Vegas, there are almost no interviews, where would it somehow mattered greatly. Only to what is good, is trafficking in people.
67th Trafficking in people is also amazing. Do you thing for 1000, but at the beginning of the game you sell it for up to 100th It's a little weird ratio.
68th And what about when the store accidentally click on something for a thousand, what you do not. Take it back and sell it not return the same goes for 100th ochodníkovi Congratulations, you've just lost money by 900. After twenty years of designing this RPG is a crime!
69th For items traditionally not written anything, so you never know what they are, if anything they are. Would not it be nice if the hoe was written, that it is mine ore in the mines, and one of them did not have to lug a ton of waste because they do not know if any of this will not happen to need?
70th From the first time I stumbled on garlic, hauling him along with a dreadful memory of Oblivion, where after that, you become a vampire, garlic was still available and get rid of vampirism quest meant several hours and hours searching the internet for advice.
71st Want to talk with fellow sitting at the table. Manik moves and you accidentally click on the apple for him and "steal it". Guy yells "thief", pulls out the hatchet and will cut you. Welcome to the world of experienced designers who make RPGs for decades.
72nd When you lockpickovat, think about what this looks like a weird mini-game. If you've ever seen a lock with a keyhole, you will notice that unlike the keyhole in the game does not rotate because it is simply a hole. Well, fancy people in Bethesda is really endless.
73rd Tod Howard I had a real stretch to bow and aim to eat leg. When would a bullet through his leg Tod, he might have realized that the bow eats quite a bit of stamina and finally made it into his game.
74th That is the Bethesda association of invalids, as in life, rise up from the chair back is sad. Even sadder is that their ideas about the movement reflected in game, so the main character sprint have passed more than a few meters, even downhill.
75th Jumping from a height of thirty but makes him a problem.
76th Like swimming in celoplátové armor in a frozen northern sea.
77th A horse is unable to go mad krypl more than twenty meters from the hill.
78th It is sad when the book, warlock coat, pants, blouse, two silver necklaces and ten million arrows weighing all of one pound.
79th Nor is it entirely optimal when the three-pound pieces of forged iron twelve-sword.
80th Someone should also give the boys from Bethesda obtě?kat real weapons and, where possible, rather than plastic replicas of the comic shop. The real sword because it is mostly quite light, not to mention knives. In contrast, maces and axes are much more difficult.
81st Weather in Tamriel for me has always been a mystery because it is probably the only planet in the universe, where at one point can simultaneously run all season.
82nd In Bethesda, normal tear coming designers in snow drifts blueberries.
83rd I'm a little bothered by the fact that Skyrim looks like the international space congress Hardy. After the mountains in snow drifts and blizzard banditky ride half-naked in loincloths - virtually no wear absolutely does not correspond with the fact that we are in the frozen north.
84th Emancipation is a beautiful thing, but it bothers me quite that cold Nordic country is the leading figure of an elf warrior. Someone in Bethesda has apparently like violence against women, but anyone can feel rather quartering strange women, as well as the whole idea of ??women in celoplátové armor with a sword, commanding the imperial army.
85th It is amazing that you speak the characters in the game. Weaker, though, is that it speaks to you without talking to them you and all around the world say one of the four sentences in one of two votes.
86th Even worse is when you are four different characters in the same voice will say the same sentence several times
87th But the worst is when you say all four characters at once the same sentence and not when you lead an important conversation about story quest with someone who is dubbed the same voice as the four characters exactly as you speak.
88th It just is not good to choose the dubbing hundreds of different characters few actors with very distinct voices and accents to what most know that they still repeat.
89th People are fantastically Skyrimu tolerant. It is not wonderful, when Imperial soldier does not matter that he got into the house Stormcloak and instead fired him, goes to sleep in peace?
90th Well, why would not go as well as from sleep can be seen as stealing his chest.
91st Economic model in the game is too "fantastic". For example, you come to the miners that they were extortionists captured mine and you know that advice. Go therefore blackmailers, give them 120 money and they leave no [censored]. The head of the miners is thrilled and will pay you 600 money. That it could do to save himself and no one had 480. This is called moneymaking. At least one healed after that click through the store, what cost him the 900th
92nd But it is sad when a similar boloneys get 600 and for killing the dragon and rescue the town in the main story quest you get a rusty sword in the price of about 200
93rd Rent in Skyrimu would also needed some deregulation. It's nice that you all offer to buy a house in town and even as a reward for deeds done. It is, however, less nice, if a house is twelve liters, which is the amount you struggle to put together, even after thirty hours of play. Pity especially when your house is offered for five hours.
94th The logic of the villagers, who are building a village under the dark castles and wonder not only where you take all those vampires, but more of them castles standing about ten meters behind the hut, or know, is once again fantastic.
95th When a mistake in ten people ?ezanici slashes to a friend, it's not buddy. Avoid it when it is almost impossible.
96th The horse is a moron who does not miss any battle, in which is usually left to kill.
97th When someone dismounts from his horse, he turns away and walked away. Completely gone and you'll find it just that you move somewhere on the map, while the horse will still appear next to you, but it starts out away.
98th The horse is not on the map and compass, and not as a call in the RDR, so when you exit, you're in the anus.
99th The horse can not fight back.
100th Others, however, completely ignore it and attack the horses merrily.
One hundred and first We already know that Radiant AI is simply divine, but we did not intend his amazing toff where he come among a bunch of bandits, dismounts from his horse and start the cut, a large group of bandits will ignore and instead embarks on a furious battle with the horse.
102nd Archers, whose main advantage "theory" is that you will not admit to the body and can shoot at you from afar, from some inexplicable reason still run directly to you and shoot at you from bow at the moment when it's over the head with an ax mydlíte . Yeah, Radiant AI simply can.
103rd It makes the AI ??and one another, so it is not uncommon to see two guys with bows six feet apart, how to shoot each other in the eye.
104th Mutual combat between NPCs, it is also exceedingly beautiful. Had 1990.
105th Dragons go umlátit sword in about two minutes just so that they stand on the side and mydlíte. The dragon is also a shield push, so neodletí. Stokilovy guy p?estrká dvoutunového dragon. Sure.
106th Animation in your hands at the first sight of combat are about three frames per second. Why do you care to give them when they're seeing just a game.
107th Enemies and friends completely ignore the traps in the dungeons and not just hidden, but must be a fire blazing from the country.
108th Again, no humor here. In Bethesda just do not like humor. For that you'll find scattered corpses, skulls, bones and pieces of meat. You come into the castle and there on the table lies a dead girl. In the next room, booze and women everywhere banditky lying skull. In what world the hell out of people live in Bethesda? What the hell is this?
109th Corpses remained lying back on the streets in the town indefinitely and nobody does anything with them. It's embarrassing. It's very embarrassing, as we all walk around and shout Jesus, what happened here! Taking the body there is already a week.
110th Sometimes you come across something that looks almost human, but then remind morbid memories of Fallout 3 So should you encounter a boy who bullied governess in an orphanage and he wants her revenge. That sounds quite interesting. The problem is that the boy nekromantském ritual encounter with a human corpse of a human heart in your hands, how he tries to invoke the demon that killed governess. When you discover you, they think you're a tool of destruction. Logically, everyone thought that subsequently will have the opportunity to interview the boys meet, but also to deter from his idea, to persuade him, threaten him, etc. Not. You have the option not to him, or to comply. Where and how the boy took the corpse and the human heart will not know (and maybe it's good because you do not really know). When they come to the orphanage, you can kill a governess, or kill. Not arrange for her thrown out of work, not threaten it. Just have it nicely before děti?kama krouhnout. And what about children? They begin to rejoice over her corpse. The little boy then thank you and tell you that it will be too Assassins. Other interactions are not possible. If you do not seem like me, know that this is the same for each quest. You have the ability to decide, but between the lesser and greater evil, the natural reaction is usually not on the menu.
111th Ninety percent of the dungeons are still the same corridors without anywhere to turn, but they are so incredibly long and boring, that I began to deliberately avoid them.
112th Unfortunately, most of the quests in the game takes place just in dungeons and rests on a template - we need you to fetch the amulet XY. Amulet is in the old cell. Two hours have to go and mow zombies corridor, and eventually you come into the room where the zombie IBR, the take away, pick up an amulet from the altar, lies next to the chest with an object and money and sometimes there is even a wall with a magic word, and then the door out. When vyleze? out, there is usually still a dragon. Such missions I've played a few dozen.
113th Sometimes we see something even vychytaněj?ího, such as the conquest of the city. Unfortunately, looks like someone locked all the doors, down the street scattered fire, and then launched into the street about 10 shots, who fenced with each other, and when they die, run out again around the corner. Compare be with Assassin's Creed.
Bugs
114th There are few games that can freeze your Xbox hard. Skyrim immediately after the release was one of them.
115th Issue the Xbox game that has a relatively wide range of fundamental errors, is proof that Todd Howard has a Speech and Haggling at max (or enough that Microsoft vyměknul).
116th Bethesda asks players consoles to last than fix bugs. What is it like? Why? Bethesda released a buggy in the past Arena, Daggerfall, Morrowind, Oblivion, Fallout 3, New Vegas, Rage. Word is buggy when it still quite soft for mockery often almost unplayable. And now that Bethesda will issue again, buggy game, something we have to wait? Bethesda had to endure more with the release (again) massively buggy game, and that game consoles are credited with falls and texture is really something you can not miss and it can not be seduced by the variety of hardware on the PC. EPIC FAIL.
» Tue May 22, 2012 6:29 am 
Took out the whole introduction for now...
