I deduced it down to a faction problem. Tried reading the script to figure out what faction, but my best guesses, currenthireling and dismissedfollower she was not part of. However, she was in currentfollower for some reason. So I used the removefromfaction factioniD on lydia from the console! and everything fixed itself. She reverted to the correct dialogue and followed correctly.
NOW I dismissed all followers and used the TGS/Multiple Followers files provided by Loki on top of .4a, and everything appears to be working great!
For anyone else who borked their companions by adding multiple followers and still having a companion on, try some faction editing.
I'd still love a command that would list an npc's current factions. I essentially searched for factioniD's that it could possible be (stuff with follower or hireling in the name) then tested each one with Getinfaction command. Narrowed it down to faction currentfollower. I'm happy i've got my crew back and am playing again!