Actually you said that people who ask visitors not to wear hats in their house are megalomaniacs.

well, since your seat is available on request, I guess you're just adopting a passive agressive attitude

It's great you got a job without removing your hat for an interview. Good for you. But really nobody consciously thinks about it. Most are so ingrained with this social norm that subconsciously will automatically reject someone as a "hire" when interviewing several people equally qualified for the same job and one doesn't bother to remove their hat for the interview. It's really not something they think about but it registers somewhere deep within and the chances for hire decrease with each social taboo that one commits. Of course there are some jobs where even the boss might wear a hat such as construction. So, if someone feels strongly about wearing a hat at all times, that might be the best job for them.
Why doesn't really matter so much. I mean I don't care if you wear a hat into my home and leave it on and I don't mind if you feel more comfortable wearing your shoes into my house (some folks have a rule about no shoes in their home) but if you sit down to eat a meal I've cooked all day I would like if you removed your hat and I might ask you to do so. The mere fact that it's what the hostess asks of you should be enough without needing to explain why. And for goodness sake don't use a knife to remove jam from my jam or jelly jar.

Now, you would have the right to say you would rather not eat the steak I just cooked for you than to remove your hat and so be it. But it is just as fair for someone to ask why you would be offended by removing your hat as it is to be offended by someone having that house rule. Manners mean a lot to some of us because it has been pounded into our heads since we were born. Don't chew with your mouth open, don't fart at the dinner table, don't sit at the table without a shirt or with a hat, don't play with your food and don't slurp your soup. Offer to assist with the dishes when done.

Remember it's your choice if you come to my house or not, it's my choice if you stay or come back. I dare say I've never had anyone ever refuse to take their hat off at the dinner table nor use a spoon in the jelly jar instead of a knife. and nobody turns down dinner at summer's house because they love it. In fact most ask to come back, rules and all. BTW, I don't have many rules.

As Sentient Surfer said, I'm not missing anything. You clearly said that people who ask you to take your hat off in their house are megalomaniacs. Go home and be a family man.

Two very different meanings.

No, SentientSurfer did not say you aren't missing anything, if anything, he's correcting you, because you said "make rules" versus "take their hat off in their house". There's a very clear difference between excessive rules, like the specific one mentioned about one's hat, and just plain rules. One of those two I've likened to being a megalomaniac, the other is a straw man, and nothing to do with what's been posted.

It's a pretty sad discussion when you have to waste posts getting stuff like this out of the way. The point being made, which is pretty obvious if you read a post in it's entirety, is about people making excessive rules, and why it's bad, and why those people have issues, as well as will have issues. Unfortunately a few people have decided to completely fail at reading comprehension, if not engage in selective reading, and take something well off into left field ruining said discussion. Congratulations.

No, the point being made is that you find it necessary to judge that someone asking you to take your hat off in heir own house is a megalomaniac. You're the one calling that rule excessive, whereas to most people it's perfectly acceptable.

If anything should be criticized, it's not my reading skills but your memory of your own statements.

I do, when I want to sleep. That is also another good way to keep people away, close your eyes

Wrong, I quoted your mistakes, it was very clear you screwed up interpreting a post. Whether or not you think it deserves criticism, I don't really care (it was my opinion, I'm allowed to make judgements of what I want to be around, and I'm quite open-minded about what I allow in my own house to begin with), but if you're going to criticize something at least criticize their version of what was said and not your own re-imagining/paraphasing straw man. Thanks.

Actually it's you attitude, not your opinion that I -and I think others, had a problem with. While it's perfectly fine for you to feel a certain house policy to be overbearing, the way in which you worded your posts led to believe you harbor a confrontational desire to disrespect someone in their own home when you disagree with their home policies.


that's why this was fine..
"..and if I feel that's something I'm going to run into, I won't bother coming over."
..and what I was looking for.

and these two..
"No self-respecting person would bother coming over." and "..they'd be better off inviting one of those clothing store mannequins instead which they can dress up any which way they subjectively feel like."
..aren't.

Hmm.

How does not coming over insinuate I'd disrespect someone in their own home? Unless by disrespect you mean simply leaving. That's pretty far reaching. I wouldn't put up a fight or complain, it's not my place. I would expect the same in return.

I don't know someone has excessive rules until they attempt to enforce them, I've run into this situation plenty of times before, I want no part of that power tripping, I just say goodbye and leave. There's no difficulty or confrontation or conflict in that.

I've run into far too many people who think because it's their home they can be stupid and unwelcoming about it (not merely to me but to others as well), so my opinion is rather strong on the subject.. if someone doesn't like what is perceived as an attitude, well, tough [censored] for them.

In the realm of control of things all I can control is where I go, and how I treat people in my house, but my experience is why I tend to prefer people come over to my place. I'm not so overbearing with rules.

Ah, Third Eye, your constant refusal to ever admit that you even might have been wrong is refreshing. No, no that's not the right word. Annoying. Yes, annoying. Your constant refusal to ever admit that you even might have been wrong is annoying.

Since it is obvious that you are only doing it for the attention, do the rest of us a favor and go troll elsewhere. In other words, right now, stop that, its too silly. :troutslap:

In the interest of avoiding a flame war, I'll bow out of this discussion, but I di have to say I have an extreme personal dislike for people who come barreling out of the gate with internet tough guy statements and who then, when called out, try to weasel out of it by saying their posts were misinterpreted (the word 'straw man' being the first term they reach for - praise Wikipedia!). I find it very sad that some people resort to this kind of questionable dialectic, but I'm also aware that no amount of logical argument will make those people see sense. So with this, Third_Eye, I bid you good day.

I think you have actually called groups of members here megalomaniacs and by doing so, you have broken rules. It's quite fine to express that you disagree with others but it's not ok to call them names because you disagree. That alone shows disrespect not only of other people in general but of people or groups of people on this forum. While I may and others may disagree with your assessment of those who feel it reasonable to expect others to abide by socially accepted and established good manners and etiquette we have not taken it to a personal level and called you names for disagreeing with us.

I suggest you read the forum rules as we don't tolerate namecalling or rudeness in Bethesda's house either. On a personal level I feel it fine that you have expressed your distaste for good manners and for those who insist on such in their homes but regardless...enough with the namecalling and intolerance here. Thanks

When someone demands something of me, it does make me respect them. If someone tells me to take off my hat, I'd ask why
I get this. However, is it appropriate of someone to request something of me, that they know nothing about? To me, this is not respect, it is a demostration of authority. And authority should only be respected if it's reasonable and have made itself worthy of being an authority. Being demanded of something, is not respect one way or the other. It is only a demostration, a pose. If it's explained, presented reasonably and not only "because it's the way it is", I'll take off my hat, pull my hands out of my pockets and so on.

But I will not respect and obey an authority without a cause for doing so. It must justify itself reasonably.

I think it depends. I usually don't mind being asked to do something, even if I don't personally see the point, but often bristle if I'm told to do something. I don't believe in being mindlessly conformist or prostrating myself to other people's demands, but I also don't think I should be pointlessly recalcitrant or to presume I should know all the reasons in advance either. I suppose as others have said it comes down to respect, and I'll try to respect others unless they give me a reason not to.

Vometia, that's just it. Asking is something completely different than demanding. An authority demands, a friend ask. By being asked to do something, you are given a choice, you have alternatives. And if there is any semblance of mutual respect, you will obey because they asked and treated you fairly, not demanded and thus excerting unjustified authority.

Will you please take your hat off at the table kind sir? Because it's the gentlemanly thing to do and I so want to look at those beautiful eyes while we dine.

It's true that respect is not demanded, but obedience is, and in cases of lawful governments, rightly so.

... as opposed to "oi! Take yer hat off before I rearrange your intestines with this serving spoon!" Although I kind of like the dynamism of that approach.

It's got a nice Baldur's Gate-y feel to it no?

A lot of little things bother me.

1) I hate shaking hands (and one place that shall not be named) where shaking hands is common just gives me another reason not to like it.
I dislike physical contact with another person who is not a family member or my wife.

2)People who find words offensive.

3)People who think riding a sports bike or cruiser with no helmet on, no gear and flip flops is cool.
Its not, and when you wreck or drop the bike you are going to wish you had some gear on.
Been there, done that. The gear saved me from much worse harm.


4)I hate duck shoes and duck faces.

And plenty more.

But a lawful government have justified cause. It needs to. So the problem with demands is different in that regard.

Scrath that, a lawful government isn't necessarily reasonable.

I quite like that alternative. Sounds spunky and might go with my personality.

Oh yeah, me too! Man I hate those people! We should communicate only in sign language!

... though technically those are words too. Okay, only with grunts then!

Duck faces?