Stupid Norms and Silly Bull

Post » Wed May 02, 2012 8:32 pm

Duck faces? :huh:

That gormless "derp" expression, I assume.
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Lucy
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 7:18 am

Duck faces? :huh:
google duck face.
Go to images.
????
Rage.
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Victoria Vasileva
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 3:28 am

I like most of the so-called "stupid" norms and "silly bull".

Come to my house? The hat and jacket and shoes all come off, or you don't come in. No exceptions and I don't give a rat's ass who you are. I don't care what you think about it either. Follow *my* rules in *my* house or you aren't welcome. I'll follow your rules in your house.

Wearing a hat indoors (and it's not my house because you wouldn't have crossed the threshold)? I'll comment about how inappropriate it is until you either take it off, walk away, or try to hit me.

I shake hands with people when I first meet them. If they either don't shake or it's limp, I judge them immediately and unfavorably. I consider refusal to shake or a limp shake to be a clear indicator that the other party is lacking in confidence or has inter-personal issues and I don't have time to waste on people like that.

Don't want to make eye contact? Well then, we don't need to be talking. Avoiding eye contact means that you're either guilty of something or lacking confidence. And I already talked about that.

I don't like it when people have their hands in their pockets except to retrieve money or a phone or whatever. I mean, come on, you're standing there with your hands in your pockets... are you playing with yourself? You got a palsy and don't want people to see? Are your hands deformed? Or are you just lazy and uncaring and have nothing better to do?

I hold doors for people if they are close enough behind me, and I expect the same in return. If I hold the door for you, I expect a 'thank you' which is no more or less than what I would do in turn.



On the other hand, I refuse to give up my seat. To anybody. I don't care who you are or what you do or what your condition is. If I'm sitting in a seat or occupying a space, there's no way in hell I'm moving to let somebody else have that spot.
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sophie
 
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Post » Wed May 02, 2012 10:53 pm

On the other hand, I refuse to give up my seat. To anybody. I don't care who you are or what you do or what your condition is. If I'm sitting in a seat or occupying a space, there's no way in hell I'm moving to let somebody else have that spot.

How about your favorite seat in the house... do you give it up for a guest when you let them in your house (you're not sitting it it yet) Or do you say something about it? Ps i hate those peeps.
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OTTO
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 7:20 am

I like most of the so-called "stupid" norms and "silly bull".

Come to my house? The hat and jacket and shoes all come off, or you don't come in. No exceptions and I don't give a rat's ass who you are. I don't care what you think about it either. Follow *my* rules in *my* house or you aren't welcome. I'll follow your rules in your house.

Wearing a hat indoors (and it's not my house because you wouldn't have crossed the threshold)? I'll comment about how inappropriate it is until you either take it off, walk away, or try to hit me.

I shake hands with people when I first meet them. If they either don't shake or it's limp, I judge them immediately and unfavorably. I consider refusal to shake or a limp shake to be a clear indicator that the other party is lacking in confidence or has inter-personal issues and I don't have time to waste on people like that.

Don't want to make eye contact? Well then, we don't need to be talking. Avoiding eye contact means that you're either guilty of something or lacking confidence. And I already talked about that.

I don't like it when people have their hands in their pockets except to retrieve money or a phone or whatever. I mean, come on, you're standing there with your hands in your pockets... are you playing with yourself? You got a palsy and don't want people to see? Are your hands deformed? Or are you just lazy and uncaring and have nothing better to do?

I hold doors for people if they are close enough behind me, and I expect the same in return. If I hold the door for you, I expect a 'thank you' which is no more or less than what I would do in turn.



On the other hand, I refuse to give up my seat. To anybody. I don't care who you are or what you do or what your condition is. If I'm sitting in a seat or occupying a space, there's no way in hell I'm moving to let somebody else have that spot.

You come across as angry. It's strange considering the unimportance of these norms being discussed here.

I agree with the handshake. I hate weak handshakes, or people who grip my hand incorrectly. A strong handshake says a lot about the person IMO.
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RAww DInsaww
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 4:32 am

I agree with the handshake. I hate weak handshakes, or people who grip my hand incorrectly. A strong handshake says a lot about the person IMO.

I've really no idea whether my handshake is either too weak or inappropriately squashy; I have encountered some people with really limp handshakes, though, and it's a bit of an unpleasant experience. Creepy, even.
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john palmer
 
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Post » Wed May 02, 2012 10:33 pm

I agree with the handshake. I hate weak handshakes, or people who grip my hand incorrectly. A strong handshake says a lot about the person IMO.

Same, when I shake people's hands and they have a weak grip, it's like they don't have any bones and I'm holding a dead fish. On the other hand there are people who crack your joints when they shake your hands, but that's still better than a limp one.
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Rozlyn Robinson
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 12:31 am

Come to my house? The hat and jacket and shoes all come off, or you don't come in. No exceptions and I don't give a rat's ass who you are. I don't care what you think about it either. Follow *my* rules in *my* house or you aren't welcome. I'll follow your rules in your house.
Your house, your rules.

Wearing a hat indoors (and it's not my house because you wouldn't have crossed the threshold)? I'll comment about how inappropriate it is until you either take it off, walk away, or try to hit me.
Now that's just being ornery. If it's not your house and someone does something inappropriate, it's not your place to say how inappropriate it is, unless you say so with the intention of providing the other person a useful bit of advice. I don't wear hats, least of all indoors, but if I did and some random stick-up-the-butt came complaining to me about it, he'd be eating his own shoes.

I shake hands with people when I first meet them. If they either don't shake or it's limp, I judge them immediately and unfavorably. I consider refusal to shake or a limp shake to be a clear indicator that the other party is lacking in confidence or has inter-personal issues and I don't have time to waste on people like that.
The other person may not like to be touched. I've known someone who simply couldn't shake hands due to past child abuse. May have been a bit wimpy, it's not my place to judge, but it's still another cause than 'lack of confidence' or 'poor inter-personal issues'. The fact that you proclaim not to want to 'waste time on people like that' is condescending, arrogant and ignorantly judgmental.

Also, sometimes it is inappropriate to shake hands. When I'm on duty and I'm called to intervene in a dispute between two parties, violent or not, I will not shake hands with either of them or even accept a hand that is offered. It's simply not appropriate. I'll shake hands with a citizen who'd like to present his hunting rifle for inspection, or a technician who's asked me to help out for a while to keep people away while he works on an escalator, sure, but if I'm on an intervention and there are parties involved who are the cause of the incident, then no. No handshaking. Situations like these simply don't call for a handshake, quite the contrary.

Don't want to make eye contact? Well then, we don't need to be talking. Avoiding eye contact means that you're either guilty of something or lacking confidence.
So someone isn't worthy of your time because he or she is shy? Being insecure makes someone inherently inferior and unworthy of your attention? That what you're saying? And don't say it isn't, because it is.

I don't like it when people have their hands in their pockets except to retrieve money or a phone or whatever.
I don't really like the hands-in-pockets stance myself, but if people want to keep their hands in their pockets, fine by me.

I hold doors for people if they are close enough behind me, and I expect the same in return. If I hold the door for you, I expect a 'thank you' which is no more or less than what I would do in turn.
Now that I do agree with. Letting a door fall closed in front of someone's face is rude and dumb. Not saying a quick "thank you" is just as rude.

On the other hand, I refuse to give up my seat. To anybody. I don't care who you are or what you do or what your condition is. If I'm sitting in a seat or occupying a space, there's no way in hell I'm moving to let somebody else have that spot.
Why? What's the logic behind that? Did you just throw a dart at a number of antisocial behaviours and picked the one you threw? Here you are, banging on and on about how proud and principled (read: angry and overinflated) you are, how you're so demanding when it comes to good manners (which is good, to a degree), and then you come up with this?

So you're on a bus, going to whatever it is you go, work or class or whatever, listening to music on your iPod (probably Die Walküre over and over in your case), and a pregnant woman gets on the bus, huffing with exertion and dead tired. But you're not getting up. The bus has to take some winding roads, and the old lady standing up has all the trouble in the world not to fall. But you're not getting up. A man on crutches with his foot in a cast gets on the bus, his one leg tired from supporting his body. But you don't get up.

If you're going to be judgmental (an attitude I can relate with to a rather high degree), and feel this makes you elevated as a person, then at least set the example yourself. If you don't, all it makes you is a hypocrite, who's even lower than all the people you so despise.
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Carolyne Bolt
 
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Post » Wed May 02, 2012 9:10 pm

I'm curious: What if it's bloody cold, your heater is broken, and someone comes over freezing. Do you still make them take off the hat, or is that an acceptable exception?
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Nomee
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 12:08 am

Same, when I shake people's hands and they have a weak grip, it's like they don't have any bones and I'm holding a dead fish. On the other hand there are people who crack your joints when they shake your hands, but that's still better than a limp one.

I'd take a limp handshake over a bone-crushing one any day.
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Robert Bindley
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 4:08 am

I'm curious: What if it's bloody cold, your heater is broken, and someone comes over freezing. Do you still make them take off the hat, or is that an acceptable exception?
Don't bother, it's somehow accepted that if the arms hang down by your side, right outside the pockets but not in them, it's better than having them in the pockets... Despite that they are practically at the same position nonetheless, where the only significant difference is that in the pockets, they aren't visible. Because you are readying yourself to pull out an anti-air cannon, with intent to conspire.
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Helen Quill
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 6:42 am

Don't bother, it's somehow accepted that if the arms hang down by your side, right outside the pockets but not in them, it's better than having them in the pockets... Despite that they are practically at the same position nonetheless, where the only significant difference is that in the pockets, they aren't visible. Because you are readying yourself to pull out an anti-air cannon, with intent to conspire.
Don't be silly, an anti-air cannon can't fit in your pocket, it's probably a vial of VX gas.
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Harinder Ghag
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 12:02 am

I'm curious: What if it's bloody cold, your heater is broken, and someone comes over freezing. Do you still make them take off the hat, or is that an acceptable exception?
If it's what we call "bloody cold" here and my heater is broken we will be walking to some place safe or we'll die...hat or no hat.
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Katie Louise Ingram
 
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Post » Wed May 02, 2012 5:59 pm

If it's what we call "bloody cold" here and my heater is broken we will be walking to some place safe or we'll die...hat or no hat.
Ok, well for you just "uncomfortably cold but not life-threatening" :hehe:
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Carlos Rojas
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 2:32 am

I'm curious: What if it's bloody cold, your heater is broken, and someone comes over freezing. Do you still make them take off the hat, or is that an acceptable exception?

I'd make them sign an official non-millinery agreement before I'd let them in. Unless it was a hat I liked, such as a top hat or one featuring fruit. Or preferably both.
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Anthony Santillan
 
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Post » Wed May 02, 2012 9:34 pm

The other person may not like to be touched. I've known someone who simply couldn't shake hands due to past child abuse. May have been a bit wimpy, it's not my place to judge, but it's still another cause than 'lack of confidence' or 'poor inter-personal issues'. The fact that you proclaim not to want to 'waste time on people like that' is condescending, arrogant and ignorantly judgmental.

Also, sometimes it is inappropriate to shake hands. When I'm on duty and I'm called to intervene in a dispute between two parties, violent or not, I will not shake hands with either of them or even accept a hand that is offered. It's simply not appropriate. I'll shake hands with a citizen who'd like to present his hunting rifle for inspection, or a technician who's asked me to help out for a while to keep people away while he works on an escalator, sure, but if I'm on an intervention and there are parties involved who are the cause of the incident, then no. No handshaking. Situations like these simply don't call for a handshake, quite the contrary.
Thank's a lot. I'm one of those people. I CAN shake hands, but I usually reserve it for something business related. It's not because I'm not anti-social or hate people, it's just I have a thing about being touched by strangers, mostly because I'm mildly germaphobic. 90% of the time I shake hands, I give a quick half-assed handshake because I just want it over and done with.

So someone isn't worthy of your time because he or she is shy? Being insecure makes someone inherently inferior and unworthy of your attention? That what you're saying? And don't say it isn't, because it is.
Again, thanks a lot. I don't hate eye contact, but I try to avoid long term eye contact in a casual conversation because I find it creepy and uncomfortable. In a business setting or interview? I can see that.

Now that I do agree with. Letting a door fall closed in front of someone's face is rude and dumb. Not saying a quick "thank you" is just as rude.
True, it is rude, but you know, I'm of the mindset that you don't do courteous things out of expectation, you do it because it's likely compulsive, the appreciation of the reciever of your courtesy is a bonus, but it does reflect poorly on them if they just shrug it off.

Why? What's the logic behind that? Did you just throw a dart at a number of antisocial behaviours and picked the one you threw? Here you are, banging on and on about how proud and principled (read: angry and overinflated) you are, how you're so demanding when it comes to good manners (which is good, to a degree), and then you come up with this?

So you're on a bus, going to whatever it is you go, work or class or whatever, listening to music on your iPod (probably Die Walküre over and over in your case), and a pregnant woman gets on the bus, huffing with exertion and dead tired. But you're not getting up. The bus has to take some winding roads, and the old lady standing up has all the trouble in the world not to fall. But you're not getting up. A man on crutches with his foot in a cast gets on the bus, his one leg tired from supporting his body. But you don't get up.

If you're going to be judgmental (an attitude I can relate with to a rather high degree), and feel this makes you elevated as a person, then at least set the example yourself. If you don't, all it makes you is a hypocrite, who's even lower than all the people you so despise.
I agree. I'm a bit old fashioned. If I see an elderly person, woman, or just someone who looks like they want to sit down, I'll politely hand over my seat so they can relax. I find it to be plain common courtesy to respect an elder, a woman, or a fellow human being who looks exhausted. I can admittedly be judgemental, but I still try to maintain a modicum of civility, even if someone is being rather crass and unsavourable to you in public. Do I like their behaviour? Absolutely not, but I feel by behaving politely, it might warm someone around me up that good manners and common courtesy aren't dead. If someone wants to be judgemental, more power to them, but at least hold to some sort of respectful nature.
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Jesus Sanchez
 
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Post » Wed May 02, 2012 10:20 pm

I'd give my seat to an older person who looks like he/she can't stand up properly, or any person in general who can't stay standing up on a bus with ease. Never had to do it before though, someone else stands up before me. Only for those people though (so not just being old).

Also, there was once an older lady who made remarks about us not giving our seat for her, so I definitely didn't give up my seat for her.
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chloe hampson
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 12:11 am

Letting a door fall closed in front of someone's face is rude and dumb. Not saying a quick "thank you" is just as rude.

Don't you hate that awkward distance where you aren't sure if you should bother holding the door because it will take them a little while to walk up to it, while at the same time you don't want to look rude by letting it close before they reach it?

In such situations I run inside/outside very quickly to avoid the dilemma. :tongue:
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Oyuki Manson Lavey
 
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Post » Wed May 02, 2012 6:20 pm

Also, there was once an older lady who made remarks about us not giving our seat for her, so I definitely didn't give up my seat for her.

I did do so for someone who was heavily pregnant and heavily rude, and was rewarded by being insulted again once I'd done so. Sometimes it's hard to see how some good deeds are worth the bother.
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Hussnein Amin
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 7:16 am

Don't you hate that awkward distance where you aren't sure if you should bother holding the door because it will take them a little while to walk up to it, while at the same time you don't want to look rude by letting it close before they reach it?

In such situations I run inside/outside very quickly to avoid the dilemma. :tongue:

I hate those situations too. One place I worked there was this git who had this nice habit of walking really slowly when he saw someone holding the door open for him so they had to either wait for an unnecessarily long time or let the door slam on him. I'm aware my last two comments have been moans, most people are very gracious and/or helpful, it's just sad that it's the ones who aren't that I remember. Though maybe it's because they're so unusual, which is perhaps a better way of looking at it.
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Bryanna Vacchiano
 
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Post » Wed May 02, 2012 7:29 pm

Don't you hate that awkward distance where you aren't sure if you should bother holding the door because it will take them a little while to walk up to it, while at the same time you don't want to look rude by letting it close before they reach it?

In such situations I run inside/outside very quickly to avoid the dilemma. :tongue:
I think a certain penguin would identify with you :D
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Krystina Proietti
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 2:56 am

I have a thing about hand-shakes, as well. I'm not going to hold it against someone I've just met if they refuse to shake my hand (and usually something like that will come up later in conversation: "Sorry I didn't shake your hand, I have a germophobe thing," or you'll even get a sense over time that this is just someone that doesn't like physical contact for whatever reason.) But I do place some importance as far as first impressions go on how that hand-shake goes.

Someone with a limp handshake is just not going to make a favorable first impression with me. Maybe it's not fair, and maybe I'll be proven wrong about them (though to be honest, I can't think of a time where that's ever happened.) As well, I'm rarely impressed by someone with a shake that's too firm, or it feels like they're trying to crush my hands - I'm not the most socially aggressive person, and I have little patience for people who come off as over-bearing. Myself, I tend to go for a firm shake that's not uncomfortable for the other person, but which also doesn't yield much if the other person tries to squeeze the blood out of my fingers.

And maybe it's somewhat sixist, but I find I don't usually shake hands with women unless they offer first. I don't know what that's about.

A lot of this is just about first impressions, however. Even if some of these things are getting out-dated, I have to imagine that even if we do away with some of these things, that it's not like our society won't invent some other ways to get a quick sense of people you've just met.

As far as eye contact goes, that's something I don't place too much importance on; but also something that I've had to work on over time. I don't naturally make much eye contact with people. For one, I do have some measure of social anxiety and other neurosis, so it's not something that comes naturally to me. It's something I've had to make a conscious effort with, though - because it is something that people notice (whether or not they're even aware of it,) and life does tend to be easier if you can make some effort to conform to some of the more common societal standards.

I do think with a lot of things (hats, for instance) it does come down to there being a time and a place. Living here in Alaska (and Summer can likely back me up on this,) and likely many other parts of the country, or even specific places just about anywhere - some things are just done differently. People wear hats in the movie theater here (which I often find rude - I don't want to be staring at the brim of your cap while I'm trying to watch a movie.) I also wouldn't think anything of going to the store in pajamas, boots, and a winter coat.

If I'm going to a fancier restaurant however, then yes - I would remove my coat and hat when I came inside. I'd also likely think less of anyone I saw there who didn't. But if I go back to the Mainland and go eat at Denny's - I probably wouldn't even think twice about someone wearing their hat for a meal.
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Emilie M
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 8:49 am

I also wouldn't think anything of going to the store in pajamas, boots, and a winter coat.

If I'm going to a fancier restaurant however, then yes - I would remove my coat and hat when I came inside.

Would you remove your pyjamas, though?
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gandalf
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 5:29 am

I did do so for someone who was heavily pregnant and heavily rude, and was rewarded by being insulted again once I'd done so. Sometimes it's hard to see how some good deeds are worth the bother.

I use a coin with tails on each side to randomly decide if I should be a gentleman or a [censored].
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Betsy Humpledink
 
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Post » Thu May 03, 2012 12:47 am

I do think with a lot of things (hats, for instance) it does come down to there being a time and a place. Living here in Alaska (and Summer can likely back me up on this,) and likely many other parts of the country, or even specific places just about anywhere - some things are just done differently. People wear hats in the movie theater here (which I often find rude - I don't want to be staring at the brim of your cap while I'm trying to watch a movie.) I also wouldn't think anything of going to the store in pajamas, boots, and a winter coat.

If I'm going to a fancier restaurant however, then yes - I would remove my coat and hat when I came inside. I'd also likely think less of anyone I saw there who didn't. But if I go back to the Mainland and go eat at Denny's - I probably wouldn't even think twice about someone wearing their hat for a meal.
Yep, I'll back you up on that which is why earlier in the thread I said I don't have a problem with someone wearing their hat in my house but I do expect they will remove it when we sit down to a more formal dinner. Hats in winter are worn a lot here and removing winter gear inside here often means someone unzips the sides of their insulated carharts and the front of them leaving their boots and carharts on. Removing only enough to not burn up in a nicely heated building. Generally folks will remove their gun from their holster when coming to visit and place it on top of my fridge during their visit. If you go to a restaurant regardless of how classy it is up here, you will see people dressed in layers of cloths and wearing hats and not always nice cloths. It's for sure a "stay warm" society up here.

It used to be a rule here in the interior that if you went behind the bar at the pub...you must remove your hat or buy the house a round. That is still true at some of the older pubs but has mostly gone by the way side through the last 10 years or so. Still, I won't walk behind a bar with a hat on though. And I do often run somewhere in my pajamas under my parka and mukluks. Nobody knows since my parka covers them pretty well. Up here there is a whole different set of social norms and many have a lot to do with staying warm or being practical. The old sourdough over in the corner of the restaurant with holes in his pants, and duck tape covering the holes in his parka and old well worn bunny boots may just be the richest person in the room and may have just come out of his gold claim with gold nuggets filling his pockets. Treat them kindly.
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Dawn Farrell
 
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