Can mods tell the difference between people typing [censored] and those who actually [censored] swear ?

Nope, not from a [censored] tag although the context in which it is used is generally a pretty good giveaway.

All the words in the autocensor are there for a reason, some because they are vulgar and are only used in one way, others because they are used to demean and belittle other members. The words do come and go in the censor, we ask for some to be added as the crude vocabulary of folks change, and some are removed - although if those words are still used in a vulgar way the member can still be sanctioned for it.

A couple of recent(ish) removals were "wombat" (the name of a very prolific spammer from a few years back who caused a great deal of problems) and "gay" as it has become universally more accepted and able to be used in a mature way - although I must say that it is still jumped on by moderators when used incorrectly.

There is no way that the word censor is ever going to be togglable, it would be pretty pointless to have it so as everyone would just turn it off.