Eh, when you first approach him he says it takes daring to approach a jarl without summons. He's as imperious as any of them. He seems to be on more level terms with his men. At one point Ralof comments that he doesn't think Galmar even knows his name, but Ulfric knows it and is concerned about him.
To be fair, I don't think Ulfric is looking down at you when he says that. I think he respects anyone who comes directly to him without going through all of the protocols that other Jarls go through. He doesn't say it in an, "I'm better than you because I'm a Jarl" way but in more of a, "Someone who knows how to come directly to me can probably get stuff done" kind of way. He certainly doesn't seem to give much of a crap that you did. More than anything, Ulfric judges people on their passion and their actions. To him, anyone who cares deeply for Skyrim and is willing to put their money where their mouth is is not "common," no matter where they come from. And he even thinks this about people who support the Empire, such as Legate Rikke and, yes, Jarl Balgruuf.
No one's made the claim that she's dumb. She's just inexperienced. Yes that makes her a bad jarl currently, but perhaps not in the future.
Keep in mind she does rule by emotion too. The burning of king olaf is a rather important bard college and in books is said to be a highly celebrated tradition for the city. That's a good deal of commerce you're giving up by cancelling the ceremony. The problem I have with her is she's too easily influenced at the moment by all her advisors. One bad apple could spoil the bunch.
She may become a good jarl in the future, she's been given a rather rough start.
This. While being able to listen to advice and know when you are in over your head is a good thing, being wholly dependent on advisors is not and leaves you open to corruption or being misled. Look at the Jarl of Riften. She cares about her people a great deal, but trusts her Steward and Maven Black-briar who tell her there is no corruption and nothing wrong and her city is a hellhole. Solitude is run well. It is also completely run by the Empire, with both General Tullius and her Empire-approved advisors steering Elisif in the direction of supporting the Empire's interests. That isn't a good thing. It doesn't make Elisif a bad person, but in my opinion it doesn't make her anywhere near the best choice to lead Solitude or Skyrim.