Pretty much this too.

If she did that to me, I wouldnt have given her the time of day to reply. Let her fester I say, Sounds like a user.


EDIT: But yes, you did handle it very well -- alot better than some other people who post these kind's of threads have handled simular situations. Good job.

Chances are, because of the way you handled it she might end up thinking she'd made a mistake at some point. Who knows, I dont knows, I dont knows the girl.

Hey buddy. It's a tough one, but in the end you loved and lost.. which is better than the alternative.

Whoa lotsa replies, I'll try to hit em' all:

@Meto: Aaaaahhhhh I wish I hadn't put that in the end lol. Now I feel silly. Maybe she'll overlook it thinking about how sincere I was Also, thanks for the hug lol

@lady Ouch....man I just hate the way our society is becoming so desensitized about emotions and stuff....Maybe it's just me but I think after you've shared a bed you at least have some connection to that person...maybe I'm crazy...

@Betrayer: I don't get it....maybe I'm just not up to date on how things work anymore lol...I could never just dismiss a person....

@Solidor: I thought that too at first...she texted me and I just ignored them and she kept blowing up my phone....I really miss the person though lol, more than anything else I miss the texting and stuff that we did long before the rest of the stuff....Edit: Well thanks, I'm glad you think I handled it well...It was my intention to make her think about me, hopefully with good thoughts heh....

@Andy: I don't think I loved her...I hardly got a chance to know her...but I certainly had some sort of feelings for her. Originally I had put "Even if it was just FWB for you, I didn't know...and never had the luxury of being emotionally detached..." but I scrapped it, I tried to keep "Emotions" and "Love" outta there so I didn't come off as crazy.

I was in a simular situation -- difference was, I was with her for 6 months, she said she loved me and three days later she said she didnt want to be in a serious relationship. I sent her a message simular to what you did, havent spoken to her since -- missed her alot for the first two or three weeks, but I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life. But that might have something to do with the fact that I've finally gotten a career break in the Graphic Design industry after spending a year trying to break through :/

She kind of used and walked all over you, dude. And you said it was alright. Enjoy the friendzone!

Oh, ow. Just ow. And I think your message was extremely mature and sensible. Well handled. As for coping, just...move on. I know that's such an overused piece of advice, but it's the best I can give. If you two never become anything more, than at the very least, you have some good memories.

To be honest, I'm vary wary with girls like that.

I would have just responded with 'ok' to the original message and left it at that.

Never make yourself too available, especially after 7 days, never let them see you sweat, and definitely never spill your guts to them. Man up dude. [/tough love]

Congrats Bud! I've heard those kind of jobs are hard to get into, but very satisfying when you do. I hope it turns out well for you! As for the girl thing... I can do nothing but sympathize....it seems us nice guys really do finish last..



Haha brutal honesty, nothing wrong with that. Thanks for your reply. I agree, I felt/Feel really used....most guys would love that lol, but I'm not most guys. I plan on moving on eventually so I guess if I'm stuck in the friendzone with her it's not the end of the world....just feels like it right now hehe..




Thanks alot for your response...That advice will probably be the best for me....even though it was such a short time I still feel...connected....still stings lol. I'm glad you think I did ok...I'm getting the reassurance I needed from you guys, hehe maybe I'm a bit of a user

Edit:

@Hell: I know, it's like the story about the girl who has to choose between guys, and the guy who takes the high road and moves on. Except my high road was getting the boot, and rather abruptly lol. I should be more wary...but she's just so...right

@Reg: I know! I need to toughen up (buttercup). It had only been 4 days between messages, so hopefully I didn't seem tooo......squishy....lol

My advice: Count yourself blessed that it didn't get more serious than it did since she is obviously still with her old boyfriend (mentally, anyway). Had you begun to form a real relationship and then she bailed it would have hurt a lot more.

IMO, your message after cooling down was proper.

Enjoy it while it lasts, right?

That's very apt advice....I can't imagine what had happened if I had started to love her lol...I'd probably be making a thread on the right way to drink antifreeze

An interesting side note, She told me when they first broke up (Like january) that he said " I just need time blah blah" and the night she posted that her and I were hanging out on facebook he got back in touch with her....I think he just came back out of jealousy.

@Bio: Haha thanks alot. If I had messaged her before I wouldn't be able to post it on here.

I can understand why she thought it was a friends with benefits thing. You never went out on dates, in public, learned about each other outside of six.
six is a wonderous and amazing thing, but you need to treat the person you are copulating with as more than a convenience.
You can say all sorts of romantic and sweet things, but when it comes down to it, actions speak louder than words.

I really am dumbfounded when people break up via text or facebook. Jesus, pick up the damn phone and talk to someone if you can't manage a face to face.

Anyway, you had an intense week, but this girl was not over the other guy. And you didn't really do much in the way of building a potential relationship except fool around and watch movies, so it's not surprising that her interpretation was that you weren't interested in seeing where it goes, just interested in fooling around. Meanwhile as a guy, you are thinking "wow, this is really nice, I like her a lot", not realizing that she may have had some expectations that she was thinking about but not communicating. Happens.

Anyway, it was of brief duration, you were actually nice in your reply to her, while letting her know her interpretation that is was FWB was a bit insulting... and all you can do here is move on. Personally, I would lay off any texting with her and just leave it be. She may be confused over what she does and doesn't want, and it's not your job to help her get her act together - she'll have to manage that on her own, and you shouldn't let yourself get strung along in any drama.

I read it in the Aura...

You could have been an [censored] and not replied at all, but you handled the situation, no matter how disappointing, maturely, and I think your reply was fine. (Male's opinion.)

I could see how all that was be misleading, but as Leydenne said: you just have to move on. Maybe it will work out in the future, maybe it won't. But give her some space for a while.

Sorry about what happened, but yeah, I'd say you handled it really well.

And she was being pretty nice and straightforward with you, so you gotta give her props for that.

True. A lot of girls aren't straightforward with you, and it hurts even more.

Thank you very much

As for finishing last, I havent even started the race yet -- to busy concentrating on myself to bother.

The dreaded ex-boyfriend situation, i know it all to well. I had a girl string me along for 7 months and i was to emotionally attatched to let go when i should have. So i know how you feel mate, i feel for you. I'd say you did the right thing though, she was straight with you and you are still friends; who knows what the future holds for you both. You never know.
I have the same sort of of situation though, in the sense of talking to a girl for so long (4 years in my case) and never met. She lives in America and I'm going to the US to meet her this year, we have a great friendship and get along like a house on fire. Reading your story has made me think more about how i may approach certain situations which could jepordise our friendship if they arise. Thanks for sharing dude and good luck with it all.

Thank God, much longer without a JAHO post and I might've cracked.

OP, I think you handled it quite well. Someone I am familiar with experienced a similar situation and well, I think his response can best be summed up as "Bat Poo Crazy". You handled it in a fairly mature way.

What you said was pimp-city dude. Word.

Is it because of pride?

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. I don't think you did or said anything wrong.

But then again, I happen to be the 30-Year-Old Virgin here. I've never had a girlfriend or even had a date before in any of my life...Most girls around where I live are either already taken, have unattractive smoking habits and/or think of me as a total creep. And all the girls I'd be more likely to click with live too far away from me to be able to meet in person...

Tim (aka the Slipperman)