Well, she could have. That could have been the whole reason for hooking up with the OP but you do make a valid point so this is directed at the op: Did you tell her anything about how you feel, ever? Did you do anything else besides watch movies and [censored]?

Wow lots of replies! I don't think I can quote them all without having a page long post, but I'll try to touch on some of the things said. First thanks for replying and giving me some varied and insightful posts to ponder. Sorry I didn't reply sooner but I watched Bullet for My Valentine last night and ended up saying at a friends an hour or so from home.

I think I should say that our first "date" was an actual date. We went out to the movies and watched Nightmare on Elm Street (The remake). I think there was some confusion over that. The first date was my idea, for us to go out and watch a movie. The second and third dates were entirely her idea, in fact on Saturday I wanted to go out to eat and maybe watch another movie (At my expense) and she said she'd rather just come over here and hang out. The third date was her idea as well, and was pretty spontaneous because I had spent all day at the beach with my friends and was pretty wore out. (And suuuuuper sun burned, I'm talking blistered on my shoulders). So really most of the time we spent together was done at her prompting, maybe why I thought it was more than what it turned out to be.

@Mag: I absolutely agree with you about it being at least partially my fault. I think I moved way to fast, I usually don't take a girl to bed after several dates. I think it was the culmination of knowing her for so many years before meeting her that just expressed itself in one explosive moment that went from one thing to another. I do appreciate your insight though. I hope you don't think me a cheap sleaze lol, because I actually did want to take her out and spend some actual time with her...with our clothes on lol.

And now an update:

This is her reply to my message:

hey there, what I meant by friends with benefits was that we can be friends, we just can't do what we were doing. And that's not why I wanted to meet you and hang out with you! What I was hoping for was to build a good friendship and see what happened from there. I would love your friendship as well. But I figured I would tell you the truth and let you know about joe and I. You are also an amazing person whom which I felt a great connection with as well. So I hope you don't hate me and I'm sorry you thought you were just that guy between guys. Trust me, that wasn't my intention at all, and I do feel horrible! =( but many things make me smile and think of you too. I'll always be around too, always a text away!

I think it's quite obvious that she has no intention now of ever being anything more. It svcks, but I'm just going to have to move on...We did text a bit last night, but it was just fluff about the concert and stuff...seemed a little forced. I'm just gunna leave it alone, move on with my life. I just hope she doesn't wait forever and decide she wants to be something after I've moved on....because I can't do to someone what she did lol....

Never say never.

I think you have to be damned certain you can only be friends with her without wanting more. Because now she's become unattainable. I know personally I'd find it hard to have someone twist me about (albeit she did it in quite a mature way - it just wasn't what you wanted) and then be friends with them again.

Something similar happened to me about a year ago and when he asked if I still wanted to be friends I just shrugged and said 'well no, I already have plenty friends etc'.

You could be making it a hellova lot worse for yourself being friends with her if you care about her more than that.

Lesson: You can't have "easy come" without "easy go"

An enormous part of a relationship is communication, you should have told and showed her how you felt. Sometimes that is not the easiest thing to do, especially when you are besotted and don't want to risk screwing things up It is nice to know where you stand in a relationship, though.Mind reading isn't a talent the human race practices, AFAIK.
We live and learn, sometimes we get hurt.

Jesus, take a chill pill. And are you saying guys and gals are different species? O_o

I enjoy your optimism sir! I'm keeping my mind open to the option for as long as I can, I guess we really never know what the future holds.



I was thinking that last night when we were texting. It seemed forced, like we were trying to just forget anything had ever happened. I don't think I'm able to do that, call me crazy hehe.



I like this quote, it might make someone a good sig hehe. I just wish she hadn't been quite so "easy go".



Wow Terra, you seem like you've really been hurt in the past. I can understand your sentiment, generally girls have been bad for me as well....but I've had my share of stupid hurtful things as well. I think both sixes are capable of being hurtful, it's just a matter of who does it first. There is no relationship without pain and stupid mistakes, a lesson we all learn eventually. The real test is to see if you can overcome them as a couple...haha sadly it seems like you and I haven't had relationship that can.

WE AREN'T?!?!



I think you could have done worse. When I broke up with my ex, I ruined our friendship (3/4 times, the last time was pretty final though unfortunately) as I kept wanting to get back with her (still do). At least there's a slim chance of something happening in the future for you.

Very true....I often wish I could read womenfolk's minds, Mel Gibson style. It would make life quite a bit easier, maybe a little discombobulating though lol. At the point we were at I really didn't want to freak her out telling here I had "feelings" for her, it was pretty early for that imo. I told her that I liked her, and that I liked spending time with her...I figured that was sufficient, probably not though...I can be a bit dense when it comes to women.



Haha he probably meant sixes, but man, sometimes it feels like we are different species lol.

Personal attacks are not welcome on these forums. I'm deleting some posts, and it will be the last chance for this thread.

My husband told me the first week we were dating that he wanted it to be exclusive. I was quite frankly surprised, but I appreciated his honesty.
Here we are still together several decades later. I also know how difficult it is to communicate, sometimes the timing is off, or seems you will never get the chance. Sometimes you have to make that chance.

Ok, let's clear this up right now. Not all of us girls are wicked she-devils. It's entirely possible she does still have feelings for Joe and it was just a bad time for her. What's done is done and will never be again, just forget about all this and move on.

This is something I've never got. To me, if I ask a girl out, it's exclusive from that point on, unless explicitly stated otherwise. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but that's the way it should be to me.

I agree.

Girls are overrated. Just go play some GTA and run over pedestrians

Wow, your husband must be a confident guy heh. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said the timing is off. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be, maybe not now, maybe not ever. I'm feeling much better about how the situation played out (Thanks in large part to the helpful posts in this thread)....I'm looking forward instead of behind.




SHE DEVIL!!!! Haha only kidding! I never doubted that she was still hung up over Joe...like I said to Mag it was just poor timing and I was caught up in it. I'm going to try! Although I don't want to forget her, we had some amazing times

i had a similar situation sort of. Me and a girl hit it off, we spent valentines day making out and watching across the universe, we hung out and we were good. She kinda started ignoring me for a while, then one day she said "sorry its just not working out, dont beat yourself up over it, im just not ready for anything" I told her a little bit ballsier version of what you said, i basically said "look, im cool with that, i had a lot of great times with you and i thank you for that, but if im going to have to ignore you for a while, dont take it personally, we can go back to being friends again soon i promise" so i did, you should too, dont try to get back with her yet, just take some time away from her. Anyway what really got to me was not her breaking up with me but saying later that we were never boyfriend and girlfriend and it was just a tiny relationship, despite the fact that she said "i hope to have a meaningful relationship with you" at the beginning of the week we were going out. It svcks man, women can be so indecisive sometimes.

just crank this up and move on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iw1Fm61HBA8

That's pretty much how I feel as well...I don't do the whole "Open" idea when it comes to dating someone...old fashioned isn't bad man, I feel the same way.




Haha what better stress reliever than to run over some innocent pixel people! I'm thinking about going and buying Red Dead Redemption and lynching someone lol.

I haven't read this thread, but here we go:

First off, why are you having six with her without asking her out if she isn't just a friend with benefits. If you wanted her to stick around, why not take her off the market? It's not her job to ask you out, she was waiting around for you to make your move, and you didn't. Now she doesn't trust you, she thinks you're lying just so yall can fool around.

That message makes you sound like a bitch, I can't believe you sent that. You should've gotten mad, pissed off, instead of laying down and taking it. If she really means something to you and she's worth fighting for, then fight, don't whine and try to be sappy.

You should find a way to sit down and talk to her, face to face, and don't be a girl about it when you do, but she may be gone by now.

Oh, and svck it up man, you've been hanging out a week....jeez.

That is sure not how we did it in my heyday. We dated and unless we were "going steady" we dated around. We might go out with Bill on Fri. night and Bob on Sat. night then someone else on Sunday afternoon. Guys called the girls, asked them on a date and the girl could say yes or no. We then went to the movies or out to dinner or to a game and then went home. Maybe a goodnight kiss. Nothing else. Nobody assumed they had any dibs on anyone unless you started going on dates with the same fellow repeatedly and that would usually end up with the gal wearing the guys class ring (filled with wax to fit) and the guy would wear the gals class ring on his pinky. This generally meant something more serious but six was generally not part of any of it.

I liked that. It gave us a chance to get to know each other and sort of shop around for a good personality to fit our own. I am sorry for folks who now think they must stay true to someone they went to a movie with once. :shrug:

That's trying to put a claim on a person. You can't do that, unless they agree to it -- not implicitly, because you took them out once, but explicitly, because you asked for an exclusive relationship and she agreed.

Even then, either party is free to break it off for any reason, even a bad reason, or no reason at all, and the other party has only the option of getting over it. If you want binding, that comes only with a promise to marry and an exchange of gifts.

Yeah, seriously. Why the [censored] are you having six with her if you haven't even asked her out yet? I'm sorry, but that just makes you sound like a player.

All's fair in love and war. So declare war for love and that's double the 'everything is fair'.

I've got to disagree with you on the point that the letter was weak. The letter wasn't weak, simply polite and courteous. But maybe the OP should look at maybe establishing face-to-face contact.

Get with the times man. Facebook == Face-to-face. I mean, you got their face right their in their profile, duh.