Ok guys, it's been a while since I've posted here, but I'm having a bit of a tough time right now. Lemme give you some backstory.

I've known this girl since highschool (I graduated in 06'), we've talked and texted on the phone and pvssyd online but never met for various reasons (I had a gf, she had a bf, bad timing). Well last Monday we decided to meet, and go to the movies.....

MONDAY : Was amazing. We had so much chemistry we talked and laughed and watched a horrible movie (Nightmare on Elm Street). After the movie (Was the late show) she came back to my house and we watched a few movies, and we ended doing stuff. We had such a great time, we both texted eachother all night after she left, about how great it was.

Fast forward through alot of texting.

SATURDAY: Well this day we decided she would just come over and hang out. We watched movies and laid around, kissed and talked and just enjoyed each others company. We ended up doing other stuff.
Fast forward again through a bunch of texts

MONDAY: Today we decided to hang out again, she came over. Same routine movies, stuff, more laying and talking. Also she met my parents on this day, and they loved her, she was a hit. We talked about what we would do the following Friday (Today, going to watch Bullet for My Valentine, were supposed to go together). Everything was great, I'm really starting to like this girl.

TUESDAY: (Or as I like to call it "WTF JUST HAPPENED" day). I work all night (I work 3rd). Not a single text. At this point I know something is up. I get home and this facebook conversation goes down.

Her: Hey! I figured texting to you what I need to say will take way too long. But I want to let you know that I don't think I can do the friends with benefits thing. I enjoy your friendship and I'm so glad we finally met in person. But I can't be more than friends with you right now. I have to be honest and say that I started talking to Joe, my ex. Just since yesterday. I don't want to lead you on and I think you're a great person. I'm sorry if I hurt you in anyway in the short time we hung out. I didn't expect any of that to happen between us. But I just can't do it if I'm talking to Joe. I still have feelings for him.. I'm sorry. Hope we can still be friends?? I hope you undersstand.

Me: Ouch.

Her: if I didn't care about your feelings I wouldn't have told you. I'm sorry! I'd still love your friendship, but just can't do the fwb thing. I can promise you I didn't expect any of this to happen. You probably think I'm a giant ass, but I did tell you all about him when we broke up. The timing is terrible and I'm sorry if I messed with your feelings. Not what I wanted!

This was tuesday, I thought about not replying, I was very hurt at this point, mostly because I didn't know it was a Friends with Benefits situation. She texted me a bunch too but I ignored them. Today, after cooling down some and thinking about it I replied with this:

Me: No need for apologies. I'm sorry for misunderstanding what we were doing. You are an amazing girl, and you deserve to be happy. I don't blame you at all for doing what you need to do. I have to tell you though that in the short time we spent together I really felt a connection with you, and it hurt me that to you it was just "Friends with Benefits" which is something I'm just not interested in right now. You gave me 7 days, Monday to Monday of something great, and that's more than I could have ever asked for. You're a great girl, and I would have loved the chance to get to know you better, and I'm still hopeful that if you guys don't work out you'll give me a chance to be more than just that guy between guys. I'm certainly open to being friends, and you can text me anytime, I'll be around. If nothing else I had a couple great nights, and I can smile and think of you when I hear Jack Johnson, or watch Yes, Man (tsee tsee tsee), and I still have your necklace on my wall. I hope everything works out for you.

Sincerely,
Andrew


Was my message a bad move? What would you guys do? I'm just pretty hurt and confused...I'd love some Female input on my situation. Thanks guys.

And PeaceBullet was right...

Lol I don't think the message was a bad move such as posting that you did the NAUGHTY [censored]IN NAUGHTY with her to a gaming forum .

I smell [censored] right now.

EDIT: LMFAOOO 4 chan is a censored word?

Just ask her out.

Owait.

Uhm,yeah-you handled it pretty well I'd say.

Hmmm.

Well OP, short of a kidnapping and feigned attempted suicide there's not much you can do.

Hmmm well at least I'm reassured that I didn't come off like a crazy person...I was a bit worried about that. What is a Peacebullet and how was it right?

PeaceBullet is a lucario obsessed dude on these forums.

And I don't even know what Revolution means lol.

Also she really only saw you as a friend with benefits? Ouch.

Ouch is exactly what I replied to her message lol...it did sting a bit....I think I'm feeling a little better (It was really only three dates after all) but I dunno...I just had high hopes I suppose....

Yeah I see what you mean but still if thats how she really felt I feel that she should of kept it to herself.

I'm not too sure someone telling me something like that would go over too well.

Doesn't much matter now, does it? What's done is done for better or for worse.


Move on. Maybe she hadn't intended it to be a 'friends with benefits' situation from the get-go, maybe she had. Nothing to be done about that now. You said it yourself; you both had a great week. Pity it had to come to an end, but that's just the way of things sometimes. Dust yourself off and carry on.

Friends with Benefits isn't bad, but I don't think asking some teenagers for advice about a woman problem, (specially at your age) on a gaming forum is the best place. I think Female Mods would be the best to go to, if you really need to ask on here. They seem like the helpful type.

female perspective: sounds fine to me. a bit too touchy-feely at the end for my taste, but that may just be me.

as for friends with benefits, maybe she was expecting you to officially ask her out? i suppose she could have been uncomfortable just because of the status thing, not anything you did.

Thanks for the advice. I guess I'll just have to get over it. Just a svcky situation hehe...




It's not so bad for some, But I've been doing that type of one night stand bar fling thing for a long time...I'm just ready for something more...and she seemed like someone I might be able to do that with. I asked on here because usually people on here give decent advice. Not all forum goers are kids lol, as exemplified by the mature and insightful posts so far.

Yeah, you took the pansy route. If I were in your shoes I would've just laid into her. Made her cry. But thats just me and when it comes to relationships having been burned myself several times I take the more hostile approach when the, "end" comes. I tend to make it so the girl never wants to talk to me again....ever..........

Ahhh...that svcks I already sent the message lol....I hope I don't look like a sap lol. I wish so much now that I had at least talked about what we were doing on the last monday....I just didn't want to seem too serious at first...kinda like a casual dating thing. I didn't want to scare her away, although I think even had we made it an official dating situation she would have still left...



@TheTallest: Sorry I can't quote ya I barely know how to work these forums. Haha trust me I usually take the "Burn dem Bridges" route at the end too, but I really wanted to leave what little there was intact just in case....Sure there are other girls out there, and I'm sure I'll end up dating someone else, I just don't want to ruin any chance of something happening down the road. Haha your advice did cheer me up though

From what I can tell she isn't nearly ready to get over her ex anyway so I think you handled it as well as you could. Just keep the lines of communication open and if things don't work out for them you will be there to help her through another rough time :hubbahubba: Who knows what her true intentions were, they could have been anything from shes in love with you to she wanted to get revenge on her boyfriends transgressions. Either way the experience is there and if you keep talking to her and things do go south for her with her man then you will be the first person she thinks of. Until then keep your head up and remember that it could have been worse.

Peacebullet's a person, and he said we'd have a relationship thread about five minutes after he posted we'd not had one in a while.

Thanks for your insight. That sounds alot like what I'm thinking too hehe. I'm not sure how much worse it could have been lol...it was pretty [censored].

Haha that's kinda cool. He's a little prophetic eh?


I'm still waiting on her to message me back after my last message, she's a pretty avid facebooker, I'll update you guys when I get the response, assuming it is a good one lol.

Win! My hat off to you sir! I was about to quote peacebullet. Ah what an excellent coincidence! ooh brilliant.....

As for advice, princess_stomper helped me out a lot one time in lurkers lair. (if your reading princess_stomper thanks) you could ask her.

Your situation actually seems pretty straightforward. She doesn't want to be with you, you said it was cool.
...okie dokie.

Hehe when you put it so black and white I guess it is....I was just fishing for a bit of reassurance that I didn't blow it lol....I just can't understand how someone can just dismiss a person like that lol

The way I handle any situation like that is to play it cool. It's easy to be bitter or even act pathetic and do the "Don't leave meeeeeeeee!" routine,but the smart thing to do is give her the impression that on the one hand you're not some spineless chump who's easy to walk over whilst on the other hand you accept the situation with grace and don't burn any bridges.

Mmmmm. Well, I've never been in a relationship before, so I'm afraid that if you're looking for advice I am the wrong person to ask.
Now, that said, it sounds to me like the two of you have gotten things sorted out. Maybe things will change between you in the future, but were I you, I wouldn't wait around for this one.
Both of your letters sound very considerate and straightforward; the necklace bit may have been a bit much, but all things considered I think you handled it very well.


So, essentially, here I am offering you an internet hug and wishing you luck. :3

easily. my last relation ship lasted something like 6 months, and the guy randomly decided to walk up to me after school and tell me that it was over because we weren't serious enough. this is after one of the best days of our relationship. ironically, it really did become a completely noncommittal friends with benefits thing after that, and were still very good friends. you can't apply logic when hormones are involved