Thing is Stahl are you playing on PC or Console? Because the issues may be a bit different between the 2 platforms.
I played the original pc release on pc back in the day and the BFG on 360 now.
I have great experience with playing over the internet over the last 20 years from dial up to DSL on pc and consoles. From Duke Nukem 3D over Q3 to Doom3 and now all the stuff on Xbox live.
Basically, the difference between pc online play and playing games on 360 live is not that large.
Xbox live seems to be a bit more effective when it comes to bandwidth usage but the basic effects of connection speed and p2p or dedicated servers are the same.
I played lots of multiplayer with Duke Nukem Forever on 360 and that worked exactly the same as on pc.
The shown pings gave the expected results.
That's different with Doom3 BFG. It always shows me pings between 150 and 250 no matter how good or bad the connections is.
I noticed yesterday that my voice chat was disabled "due to account restrictions". Something i've seen only once before on XBLive: While playing with Rage.
Doom3 has the Rage network code built in....

I know latency when I see it and the delay is very much there when vs. on someone else' server. Only when I have 0 ping is when there is no latency issues, then my opponents are made to suffer (plus the game is no challenge for me at this point). There is no such thing as playing someone close to you and the game feeling like LAN.
I never had a ping of 0 while playing online anywhere. Neither on pc nor Xblive. But i can assure you that playing Gears of War 3 in 4 player coop makes you feel like you're playing in LAN. Admittedly Gears coop is not as fast as competitive deathmatch but you usually don't feel any lag.
While playing our first Doom 3 match, the only thing i noticed was a SLIGHT delay in opening doors. Nothing more and easy to work with.
Like you, experienced players automatically compensate this.
The second game though was so horribly laggy that even my shots with the submachine gun didn't go off although permanently pulling the damned trigger.
The ping counter still showed me about 200-250 like in the game before.
And that's my point: I'm sure there is a major bug in the netcode! On all platforms!
Not on PC that's for sure. I am still able to beat people however with these ridiculous pings. But mind you I am having to work much harder than I would without the lag. Taking that into consideration I'd dominate most people to be honest without the lag issues. Example I'm having to shoot 2 to 3 seconds ahead to get my shots to connect. The rockets, grenades and plasma are pretty much unusable with this latency. The doors take 2 to 3 seconds to open opposed to opening up immediately. This alone makes it hard to control the map or escape when necessary. With the shotty, machine gun and chain though I am able to plan ahead and get frags with them. But as I said I'm having to work much harder than I should for these victories.
Yup, but the effects you mention should only happen when you play with lots of people spread all over the world.
Doom 3 DM is limited to 4 players. I don't expect such lag issues in these times with such a low playercount anymore.
In fact, the last time i had such a bad lag was in the 90s while playing over a dial up connection...
Basically what Bethesda has released is a joke and they should not be charging money for this type of crap. I am just shocked that they could release something of this quality. What's even more disturbing is if this becomes a norm and people actually accept this crap. Unless people speak out they won't do anything. Look at MWF3 (same old crap P2P and no anti-cheat support, the very first day hackers where running rampant already).
I totally agree on the hacker issue. In fact, it makes me play in private for most of the time.
If you know the people you're playing with, you can be sure nobody's pulling your leg.
Btw.: Does Punkbuster still exist on PC ?
That game is a joke and an insult. The developers don't care because people keep buying their crappy games. Until you take away their bread and butter they will not change.
As long as casual gamers buy such games and accept this cesspool of multiplayer gaming, why should they change anything?

I'm sure that the oldschool competitive players avoid playing MW3 online.
The same concept applies to the American Automakers. They kept making crappy cars on purpose to save money and to ensure the cars wouldn't last long so that you'd have to buy another car. The Japanese automakers pretty much shut them down with quality builds which people caught on to. They stopped buying American POS cars and the American Automakers hit rock bottom. Only now are they learning because they have no choice. Which is pathetic still no matter how you look at it. The mentality svcks. The problem is they milked it for all they could while they could and that's just wrong.

Nowadays you can swap "american automakers" with "asian tv set makers". Built to brake....

Looks like this strange mentality of selling broken products never dies.