Then whose to blame? The bully? Is it their fault that their target is weaker or more vulnerable than them?
No that's the victims fault to a degree and that's why I said bullying is not 100% the bullies fault but more around 50/50.

No, it's their fault that they chose to bully someone. You're not seriously saying that because someone is weaker or more vulnerable that they need to be bullied: we're a civilised society that generally believes that those who are weaker should be protected. I'm not even sure why I would need to say that.

What in God's name is this kind of logic? So....if a robber comes into a bank the day I'm there withdrawing currency, clearly it must partially my fault as well right?

No, bullies usually pick on people because they are either emotionally and physically insecure and see a trait in the target they envy, so they project their frustrations this way, or they pick on someone physically inferior because they are to afraid of a proper fight, so they fight someone they KNOW won't fight back. And let me fill you in on something, this isn't nature, you don't see us randomly stopping to poop in corners or assaulting someone so you can eat them. Humans are SUPPOSED to be more civilised. The bullys target is 9/10 minding their own business when they are suddenly made the target of some overly insecure dike who can't find a better vent for their problems in life. No, this is 100% bully's fault. All you're doing is coddling the bully saying 'there there, it's not YOUR fault you being so muscular are picking on that scrawny child.'

I'm not saying they need to be bullied but that the reason they are being bullied is partly their own doing as well as the bullies.
And that belief is what drags everything else down, I actually do not see the point in protecting that that cannot protect itself. Sure lets pretend we're all civilised and live in harmony among the birds and the bees while we allow those above us with power to reign over us

- Hmm technically anyone living under a goverment is a victim of some sort of bullying.

That's the sort of rationalisation a bully might use to excuse their own behaviour, but I think we all know it's a crock of [censored].

i'm actually glad to see someone else think like this, people need to step out of the role as a victim and take some responsibility for their own lives

REALLY???

are you [censored] stupid?

When one is bullied they should make a stand, report it to whatever authority is near by, et cetera. But that doesn't justify bullying, nor should it be defended.

Completely different scenario, at least my alcohol one was slightly along the same lines.

Yes the initial point of bullying is completely the bullies fault, I'm saying the prolonging of the bullying now lies with both the bully AND the victim.
It's not the bullies fault the victim is a scared little woose, the bullies only going to stop when they're given a solid reason but until the victim makes that reason happen thye are partly to blame.

Please come out of your shelter society and look at those who have had a less than forunate life than yourself for this part. The only reason you use a toilet and not a street corner is because your parents forced the mind set that that is correct behaviour just like the goverment and their parents before them. If you think about it, pooping in the street corner is more hygenic than pooping in your house, ewww imagine pooing in your house


Above statement applies here about the intial bullying being only the bullies fault, afterwards however it's both feilds fault.
No I'm not coddling anyone, rather I'm taking a step back and looking at it from both perspectives since I've been on both parts of it throughout my life, all you're doing is taking the side of the victim and I'd take a bet you've been on the side of the victim and that's why you refuse to see this openly.

I'm sorry this person did that, but I know exactly how he/she felt, and I know that he/she felt that there was NO OTHER solution. The idiots at school are most likely making fun of him/her doing it.

that's part of taking responsibility for your own life

and failing to do so prolongs your suffering, which makes you partly responsible for being bullied.

What kind of question is this? Who's going to be like 'Oh, I think it's great, really relaxes you'?

No, because you cannot link Alcholism with your governments fault.


There's always a way out for the victim, and it's sad they don't do something, but a lot of times, they don't because they're afraid the bully will just come back even worse than before.


Right, I'll stop believing pooping into a toilet I clean weekly/bi-weekly is less hygenic than encountering thousands of peoples poop piled on the street corner is hygenic when I see scientific evidence.



I've been on both sides, and being a bully is something I look back on with regret. I was one of the worse types of bullies, I picked on people with their deepest pains and sorrows. But I admitted my reasons for harassing others, and I've made amends for why I did it. I look on bullying with disgust because I was one, and I know the depravity of being one.

This is just....to far, Tell the teachers, if that doesn't work Move Schools!

people should just try to do their best and stop lashing out on everyone else for what happens to them

What? I think you missed the point. Also I can't tell if the alcoholism/goverment was a direct reaction to me or just the post in general :S

Right, but who's fault is it that the victim is percieving something that may not actually happen?
I've already said somewhere that not all bullies are the same and not all victims are the same.

Lol, could you imagine that...Wait, don't
I hope you realised that, or most of that paragraph wasn't to be taken seriously

It's a shame when people reach that point because Suicide isn't the answer, it's a cheap way to allow the bullys to win. I personally am lucky to be alive after my suicide attempt 12 years ago due to similar bullying and other issues. I don't know how I'm alive today, I was going to starve myself and just end it but I didn't and one of my classmates offered me his lunch and told me about the after school floor hockey events. I made a decision to eat the food and let the rest of the day settled and I choose a different path at the end of the day. It wasn't easy after that and bullying was still a problem and got worse in high school but I never again thought about suicide and I certainly wouldn't today as it's been a lot better since I graduated from High School. My life may not be where I want it to be exactly and I may not be the richest person or the best looking person but I'm alive and I still can have an impact on this world.

The real solution is to never give up and you still can have an impact on the world. It doesn't matter who you are, how much money you got, what race you are, what religion you serve under, none of those things matter. You can still have an impact on this world and change it (Hopefully in a positive way), it has happened plenty of times in history. If you see someone contemplating suicide, you need to talk to them, doesn't matter appearance or anything else. You could hate this person with a passion because of a past incident but you need to talk to them and convince them to take a different path, you'll be glad you did and you won't have the sick feeling in the stomach that the OP probably has. Even though he/she wasn't at fault for the incident, they probably have a sick feeling in their stomach. That they wish that more could have been done, or they could have done more in order to save them.

The parallel between your metaphor has no similar context to bullying though.


Ehhh, I'd say it depends. I mean, some bullies will stop once the problem has been addressed, but sadly, some will push harder, even to the point of retorting with violence, it's why some school shootings happen, except not some en masse genocide, but they bring a gun to school and intend on killing the bully. Some people don't have a 'midpoint', they have 'normal' and 'snapped'. It's another reason I dont support bullying in any way, so much bad can happen out of something so 'harmless'.

Nah, if I took it super cereal I'd be more in arms. That's only happened in the Fallout forums

We'll just ignore it then, like it never happened

I think that's where our cultures differ, I don't think any bullying scenario here has ever got to that point here in like 30 years or something. Any time a bully gets violent it's never much more than a shove, maybe a sticking out foot but thats the limit in most cases.

Why does nobody take me cereal around here!
Yeah damn all those House lovers to the pits of the Grand Canyon!

ugh, bullying... my brother and I were both bullied in middle school because we were relatively new to the area and because our skin was too pale compared to theirs. Those are pretty stupid reasons to bully people, but there you go. It's all over now but I'll always remember the teachers, looking the other way... that was despicable.

[DELETED]


I think many responders understand this, but don't handle it well. They assume that by pointing out how selfish and damaging it can be to other people around you that they will somehow change your mind and make everything better.

Instead a depressed person gets to think "Oh great, now I'm selfish on top of everything else."


Except alcohol is an inanimate object which the user must willingly ingest. You don't go up to a bully and say "Hey! You! Yeah you! Make fun of me!"

When I was younger I used to pick on somebody. I never started it, but if people started picking on this kid I would join in, due to peer pressure and the fact that I was pretty insecure at the time. I was a horrible person back then, I could justify my actions but ultimately I was just weak-willed and insecure. The kid we picked on is now a good friend and I've apologised for the behaviour of Past-Kaelin, however I still feel pretty ashamed over it, especially when I think of how being bullied made me feel.

It's sad but it's even sadder when teachers and principals don't do anything about it.

This argument really isn't making much sense. No point in protecting that which cannot protect itself? So, demolish all those hospitals, because screw the elderly, sick, and injured? The idea of peaceful society in general is actually quite contrary to the idea of letting those with power push us around. Strength, neither physical nor emotional, is not a moral feature; the ability to defend or stand up for yourself can be just as effectively used by someone to defend behaviors like racism or, well, bullying. People may naturally prey on the weak, but much of modern society was built around preventing that because it's better for everybody, not just the weak. We have laws and moral outrage against something like [censored] because we generally agree that it's not acceptable for someone to attack someone else for their own benefit just because they have the strength advantage to do so. You don't generally hear people say "well it's her own fault for leaving her house."

We aren't all identical clones; some people are going to be weaker than others in some ways, and stronger in others. The fault of attacking someone for any perceived weakness is entirely on the attacker. The responsibility of how to respond is on the victim, but there's no way to know how any of those options will turn out. Doing nothing, telling others, trying to peacefully resolve the issue, trying to violently resolve the issue, can all potentially make it worse, which isn't their fault, and bullies often specifically target those who don't have the options or capability to fight back. That is also all on the attacker. Many times when someone not fighting back seems to be "letting it happen", they may have decided to simply wait it out instead of risk making it worse.
If the way you're viewing it is as someone letting a jerk push them around because they're afraid to say anything, that could explain people's aggressive reaction to your using the word "fault". That's not what everyone thinks of when they think of bullying, and it's definitely not what leads to suicides, by itself. There are people who make a career of it. They don't shove people now and then to try and prove they're tough, they single someone out and specifically antagonize any physical and emotional vulnerabilities they have, every day, for months, even years. Some will follow someone home, taunting and attacking all the while, and egg their house. It is a special kind of unpleasant when the sense of safety is taken from your home. They're not occasionally tripping them in the hall, but following them all day and doing it repeatedly, so that they can publicly laugh at and humiliate them, constantly, every day. I've personally had people try and steal things from my backpack, so they could destroy them, to try and make me fail class, or try and rip a paper apart just before it's time to hand it in for the same purpose. If teachers and parents don't do anything, and the victim is physically weaker than their attackers, what are their options on making it stop? Odds are good that all of them will just make things even worse. When this is someone's life all day every day, something is likely going to break, and saying "well that's half your own fault" is only going to earn contempt from the people who went through it.

Apparently the one common factor in depression regardless of culture or anything else is a huge sense of guilt. So, yeah, guess what a guilt trip is going to do...