While I agree with much of what you've said (and you know I do) I have to state that you're bordering on can't please everyone kind of field here. I GET what you're saying, but all in all that's kind of what it boils down to.
Well that is what I'm saying.
A common discussion that comes up in the New Vegas forums is which ending will be canon. Elder Scrolls fans argue canon shouldn't exist so we can imagine our own character being canon. Classic Fallout fans argue there should be a canon winner of New Vegas because Fallout has ALWAYS had canon and people will be curious about what happened. Between those exist varying opinions, such as "something should happen to trivialize the war" to "just say an Indy Vegas exists but don't specify who leads it."
The thing is though, there's a crowd there that'll cry if their character is declared non-canon and there are people who will cry if the canon ending is "The Courier helped an army win Vegas before aliens blew up Vegas. The Courier left for Akav-I mean China, for no apparent reason and was never heard from again."
You
CANNOT please everyone. One of these two will walk away unpleased, no matter what you do. That's simply fact. Unfortunately it seems Bethesda is in denial about this and desperately seeks to please everyone at all times. While that intent might be noble, it can often lead to sub-par results. All I ask is that they use personal judgement a bit more and learn how to say "no" when 15% of the fanbase wants something really stupid, and that the game have ONE focus that gets improved with every new installation, rather than "re-inventing" the game each time.